How do I learn the art of letting go?

Something has to die to make room for something fresh to grow. This is the painful reality of being human.

Table of Contents Show

Try this Mind-Body Exercise ~
The Art of Letting Go
1. Remove the barriers
2. Stop blaming and looking for someone to redeem themselves
3. Is there any way to get closure?
4. Take time out to only express
5. Know that it will happen slowly
6. Focus on Gratitude
What is the art of letting go?
Why do I struggle with letting go?
What is the key to letting go?
What are the stages of letting go?

This process of letting go is SO CHALLENGING.

It hurts.

It stings.

It’s full of knots, tension, fear, sadness and grief

It’s often ugly at first and unimaginably messy.

It’s full of uncertainty.

We humans don’t like uncertainty one bit! We crave control.

The body holds what the heart and mind struggle to release.

As humans, we also often struggle with managing intense feelings (even when they are the “feel-good” kind). We want to control those too, oftentimes by trying to ignore them like a bad song on the radio that’s playing the background. Unfortunately, what you resist persists.

So, what to do about holding onto things and people that no longer serve your heart or your higher good?

Try this Mind-Body Exercise ~

1. Acknowledge it.

Close your eyes and take a few breaths. Then notice what it feels like in your body when you think about this thing or this person that you know you need to release. Notice what shifts or tenses inside you. Check in specifically with your jaw, your tongue, around your eyes, your stomach, your shoulders and your hands.*

*These are often the most common places where we “hold” physically about things that are emotional. However, don’t limit yourself to these. For the last year, I’ve noticed that I “holding on” in my left hip and quad (in addition to some other more common places).

2. Target it.

Instead of trying to immediately release the body tension that you notice, first identify where it’s the most intense. Notice how you know this, what signals your body is giving you to let you know and how your body conveys this to you.

3. Exaggerate it.

Instead of resisting or aiming to release the sensation, find ways to exaggerate the sensation. Amplifying the sensation allows you to explore it more deeply and more readily. Move that body part or intensify the sensation until you get to a sensation that feels like a challenge in your body, but not so challenging that it’s unbearable.

4. Get Curious about it.

While staying with the sensation at this higher vibration, use the creativity and to explore the nuances of the sensation. What’s it like? What’s it like to be with it instead of moving away from it? What are its qualities? If this part of you were to speak, what would it want to say? What other parts of you are tensing or responding?

5. Continue to Explore it.

Take some time to breath, still maintaining a challenging place with the physical sensation. Notice how, if at all, the sensation changes. Is it still as intense as when you first moved into the challenge? Is the sensation escalating or decreasing? Are its qualities changing? What other parts of your body are responding or resisting? What happens to the focal point of where you’re holding on as you shift your awareness to other body parts?

6. Release it.

Now, take 3 conscious deep breaths. Then release the exaggeration of the body part slowly, with awareness. Once it’s fully released, take 3 more conscious breaths. Be still and quiet, remaining in your curiosity, and notice what arises now. Be receptive to what shows up…What’s it like to release the holding? What thoughts arise? What emotions? What’s happening in your body now?

7. Integrate it.

What’s your main takeaway or awareness from this exercise? How does this takeaway or awareness connect to the thing or person that you are holding onto (from the beginning of the exercise)? Take in your learning.

To close out, take a final breath. Notice where gratitude resides in your body for being dedicated to yourself and your life in a most courageous way.

With each breath and every moment, we have a new opportunity for transformation.

P.S. If you haven’t yet, be sure to take the free 10-question MindBody IQ Quiz to get more clarity on your mind-body connection as well as specific next steps to enhance it!

P.P.S. To continue this conversation and others like it, join other like-spirited people just like you in the private, free Facebook group: the MindBodyWise Living Room.

What are the things that you can do to finally shed the weight and focus on what matters to you in life?

Some time back, I had made a story on our Instagram channel asking for topics that people wanted to learn about. One of the responses that I distinctly remember was this - letting go.

We all have at some point in our lives felt the need to let go of something, be it bad habits, people, fears, actions, or, a hurtful past. And, it’s important.

It’s important to let go of that weight, those shackles, that tightness in our chests, that heaviness in our heads. It is one surefire way to live our days with freedom.

As you’re here, you’ve taken the very first step - decided that it’s time to let go. And, I want you to appreciate that.

You’re making a good choice here, and not one that’s necessarily easy. Say this affirmation with me - It’s time to let go.

So, how do we let go? What is the art of letting go?

Here are the 6 steps that have helped me and I think will help you too:

Remove the barriers
Stop blaming and looking for someone to redeem themselves
Is there any way to get closure?
Take time out to only express
Know that it will happen slowly
Focus on Gratitude

The Art of Letting Go

1. Remove the barriers

What are the things that are stopping you from letting go of what you need to let go of? Is it a seemingly harmless activity of checking someone’s social media account?

Or, is it engaging in activities that are only going to suck you in deeper, like talking over and over about the same thing, staying in the same place, and thinking about that one thing instead of trying to switch your attention?

Are there some relationships that you need space from? Are there some things around you that you should give away?

Think about it. What about your life currently is stopping you from letting go? What are those little things that you need to let go of one by one to finally move forward?

🍂 Related: 5 Acts of Kindness to Do for Yourself Daily

2. Stop blaming and looking for someone to redeem themselves

What we need to understand is that once we take control of our lives, things start to get better. Expecting someone to ask for our forgiveness, or take the first step is not going to take us anywhere.

We can’t make their choice for them. We can only choose for ourselves. Even if it was their fault, and they deserve the blame, and they should ideally apologize, we can’t make them.

What happens here is that in trying to have power over someone, we give away our own. We choose our perspective, we choose where to give our time and energy. Let’s switch the focus from what someone else should do to what we can do.

🍂 Related: 50 Swami Vivekanand Quotes for Deep Wisdom

3. Is there any way to get closure?

Now, this might not apply to everyone but it’s still worth saying. Depending on what happened with you, is there any way that you can close the box for yourself.

It could be writing a letter to someone, having a conversation, and in case that’s not a good option then still write a letter and burn it. Say what you need to. Take action to feel satisfied.

Goes without saying, this action shouldn’t be hurtful to someone. But, what is it?

I remember I had a school friend that I wasn’t fair to years ago. And, I held on to it. I knew I should let it go, so I send her a message on Instagram.

And, she replied. And, that was it. I don’t think about it anymore. This is a little example, but it shows that sometimes we need to address the issue directly.

🍂 Related: 5 Steps to Increase Your Self-Awareness

4. Take time out to only express

Embracing our emotions is something that makes our hearts feel lighter because we’re not constantly fighting to feel another way. I encourage you to dedicatedly take time out to only express how you feel. And, don’t hold back.

If writing suits you like it does to me, surely journal. Or, start talking to yourself, maybe sit in front of a mirror too. Face how you feel. Sometimes it might only be the fact that we haven’t given ourselves the space and time to heal.

🍂 Related: 70+ Journal Prompts for Self-Reflection

5. Know that it will happen slowly

We’re all humans so let’s have human expectations. Some days you might feel that you’ve taken a step forward, but on another day, two steps back. It’s okay. We can’t promise linear growth. Life is not predictable.

But, what will surely help us take more steps forward than back is to hold on to hope. It is possible to let go. It is possible to shed this weight. And, you will. I believe in you.

I know that a calmer future is ahead of you. Only you need to support yourself. You deserve to let go of what is pushing you down. Keep trying. Even if you take a step back, take a longer step forward next time. Slowly, we’ll get there.

These affirmations from my free self-love course will help you here:

I am letting go because I need to go.
I am releasing painful thoughts that occupy space in my head.
I step away from the prison of resentment into freedom.
I am ready to move forward with my life.
I am ready to live my life free of the past and looking forward to new adventures.

🍂 Related: 6 Simple Ways to Live a Simple Life

6. Focus on Gratitude

Gratitude is a healthy coping mechanism, it’s the perspective that helps us fight the negativity bias (the tendency to give more importance to negative experiences than to positive or neutral experiences - Healthline).

What was something good that has come out of that experience? Know that I’m not suggesting you be grateful for trauma. If the memories are too hurtful and you can't feel grateful for them naturally, then shift to something that is easy to feel grateful for. And, focus on that.

Choose to give your attention to the good that is in your life and in the world. What we essentially want to do when letting go is to divert our energy away from negativity. And, gratitude is powerful in that.

An effective way of practicing it is to do gratitude journaling. Here’s the link for our app that helps millions of people build this habit.

🍂 Related: Gratitude - The One Thing We All Need

And, that’s it! There were my 6 steps in the art of letting go. I hope you found them helpful. Subscribe to our blog below to keep reading more from me. Take care :)

🍂 Continue Reading: 3 Simple Tips to Beat All or Nothing Thinking

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Aarushi Tewari

The writer and affirmations speaker at Gratitude, Aarushi believes that one of the most effective ways of feeling inner peace is by being grateful and having a loving self-relationship.

What is the art of letting go?

It means leaving behind what is usual and comfortable — even if those are not always in our best interest — and branching out to what might feel odd at first. Sometimes it feels easier to stay put and not take the chance. I can see how letting go might have an impact on our wellbeing and in turn our mood.

Why do I struggle with letting go?

You are afraid of change Letting go is hard because it means that you need to free yourself from some aspects of your past. Things that have become a part of yourself – of what makes you who you are today. Most people understand this as getting rid of that “thing” resulting in a change in who you are.

What is the key to letting go?

The key moment of letting go is slippery at first, becoming more concrete with practice. Rather than holding onto something, later on, letting go means that familiar temptations don't hook on in the same way.