Show Ever since I can remember I have eagerly anticipated my birthday. As a child, I dreamed of my special day where I was entitled to guilt-free attention and presents. As the day got closer, my excitement would build. What will I get? What will my parents do for me? My fantasies ran wild with images of great celebrations and even a real surprise party. Then came the disappointment. I wasn’t neglected on my birthday. My mother made me birthday parties and I got presents. But as much as I was excited in anticipation of my special day, I was cranky and in a bad mood at the end it. My birthday never met my expectations. And then it was over. I always felt empty and angry. Years later, I would transfer those same birthday expectations from my parents to my romantic relationships. I’d get my hopes up and dream I’d get the perfect gift with a loving card and a festive evening out. The gift didn’t have to be expensive, just incredibly thoughtful and romantic. I’d want a magical day that would make me feel special, appreciated, and secure. Every year, I’d be disappointed. Sigmund Freud called this a repetition compulsion. Here’s a list of the way people disappointed me on my birthday: · Not the right gift · Not a big enough gift · Not enough gifts · Not a loving enough card · No flowers · Not enough fuss · Didn’t like the restaurant we’d go to for dinner · Not enough attention I never spoke of these feelings. I pretended everything was fine. But deep down I felt miserable, and guilty for being such an “ungrateful baby.” I was ashamed of myself and angry at the people I wanted to feel close and connected to on that day. In retrospect, hoping someone would guess what I wanted for my birthday and meet my silent expectations was way too much pressure, not to mention unrealistic. It set my partner up for failure. The experience was also hard on the relationship. Around the age of 40, a few things happened. I met a new guy, I finished my masters in social work, I learned about emotions and the Change Triangle so I could process my feelings, and I matured. I did not want to keep repeating the same birthday disappointment cycle again and again. I was sick of it! But how could I change this life-long pattern? One day I had an epiphany. It came to me like a lightning bolt. I realized that I could take control of my birthday and break the cycle of disappointment. I could pick the restaurant. I could invite who I wanted. I could ask for a card. I could request flowers or anything else I wanted within reason. The first year I took charge of my birthday, it worked like a charm. I had a wonderful day that for the first time did not end in disappointment. Giving up fantasies of how things “should” be is not easy, but neither is repeating a miserable cycle. We have all heard that the definition of “crazy” is repeating the same thing over and over again expecting different results. The day I took control of my birthday, I broke that longstanding pattern of disappointment. I still feel proud that I figured it out. I also learned that I could get other needs of mine met by simply having the courage to speak up. My birthday is coming up this month. My husband knows I like a card. We discussed the gift I wanted. My family and I will sit down for a nice Italian meal together at a restaurant I chose. There may not be any surprises, but that’s just fine with me. I know I’ll have a good birthday that will meet all my expectations because I made it that way. Download Article Download Article If you are reading this, chances are that you just had a bad birthday. It seems especially unfair to have a bad day on your birthday because it is one of those special days where everything can be all about you. But because a birthday is anticipated to be so magical, it can often be a day full of disappointments that leads to post-celebration blues.
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Advertisement Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Advertisement ReferencesAbout This ArticleArticle SummaryX Birthdays are full of anticipation and excitement, but they can often end in disappointment or frustration. If you’ve had a bad birthday, go ahead and let yourself mourn a little bit by having a good cry or eating some ice cream, but then try to move on with some new, fun plans. You can also decide to throw yourself a post-birthday party if your actual day didn’t go as planned. Pick a day to invite some friends or family members to go out to eat or share an adventure with you. Another way to bounce back from a bad birthday is to treat yourself to a birthday gift, like a present you were hoping to get but didn’t or a day at the spa. To learn how to shift your expectations, keep reading! Did this summary help you? Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 124,735 times. Reader Success Stories
Did this article help you?Why do I get so disappointed on my birthday?While there may be many reasons someone feels down on their birthday, some of the most common reasons include: Aging. Birthdays can remind us that we are aging another year. It's the “official” day that we are one year older, even though the day before our birthday we feel virtually the same.
Is it normal to be upset on your birthday?It's normal to experience occasional negative emotions, especially when you're busy planning a stressful event such as a birthday. It's also common to have some birthday nerves when you've got a major celebration approaching.
Why do I always get upset on my birthday?This could be anything from a fear of ageing, loneliness, past trauma, or even a friend flaking on your birthday plans. The important bit is to sit in these feelings and really interrogate why you're feeling the way you do, says King. Maybe you feel like you're behind in life with the approach of a milestone birthday.
Is it normal to feel overwhelmed on your birthday?Feeling down and anxious on your birthday is not that uncommon. These birthday blues may have different causes but typically go away on their own after a while. You might experience dread, irritability, and feel unmotivated for a few days before your natal anniversary.
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