How do you get a popular guy to like you in middle school?

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Middle school may be the first time you have serious feelings for a boy. You want to impress him, but this boy might not be picking up on the clues you're giving. Find ways of grabbing his attention by being more confident, becoming friends, or making romantic gestures.

This article is based on an interview with our relationship coach and psychotherapist, Jessica Engle, MFT, MA, founder of Bay Area Dating Coach. Check out the full interview here.

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   Write down a list of your strengths and weaknesses. It's difficult to put yourself out there without healthy self-esteem and a sense of confidence, and shyness is common in middle school. A big part of self-confidence is being more aware of yourself. Writing down a list of your strengths and weaknesses can help you uncover your best attributes. Play these up when interacting with a boy you like.

   • For example, if you have a great smile, be sure to use it often around the boy. Identifying your weaknesses can help you make improvements. [1]
   • You always want your conversations and interactions to be authentic. If you aren't true to yourself, the guy you like will probably pick up on that and may not be interested.

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   Smile and make eye contact. Along with confidence, one of the best ways to make yourself more noticeable to a boy is to look approachable. Smiling gives the instant impression that you are friendly and approachable. Making eye contact is also important, but be careful not to stare. [2]

   • If you're listening to music, make sure to take your earbuds out so that you look approachable.

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   Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable. A big part of confidence is looking and feeling your best. It doesn't mean being overly fancy, just wear clothes that make you happy and it will be easy to project a confident image to the boy you like. For example, if you feel comfortable and attractive in certain outfits, wear them when you know you will see him.

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   Pursue your own interests. It can be easy to get wrapped up in having a crush on a boy in middle school, but spending some time on your own interests, such as sports, clubs, or other hobbies, can make you look more confident with yourself. Pursuing your interests may even give you something to talk about with the boy you're trying to impress.

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   Try not to compare yourself to others. Nothing kills confidence faster than comparing yourself to your peers. It's easy to feel inadequate when thinking about what you don't have, so it's important to minimize these feelings if you want to get the attention of a boy you like.

   • Be cautious when it comes to social media. Many teens spend a lot of time projecting a particular image through their social media profiles, but this is often an exaggeration. Try not to dwell on what your peers are posting on social media because it can harm your self-esteem. [3]

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   Get to know him. If you aren't sure if he likes you or not, trying to become friends first may be the way you want to go. Get to know him a bit, spend time with him, and find some common ground. Ask him about his hobbies or how he likes to spend his time and open up a bit. Keep it casual. [4]

   • Listening and asking questions is the best way to connect with someone.
   • Find common interests. If there are activities you both enjoy, you'll have more reasons to spend time with him. Ask him what kind of music he likes to see if he has similar interests. You can even talk about classes you have together.
   • Spend time with his friends. This may help you learn more about him.

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   Get a little closer to him, but don't overdo it. If you have a crush on this boy and are trying to be friends first, be careful not to come on too strong. As you get to know him better, reveal some more personal information about yourself. However, if he isn't also telling you about himself, you may want to stay more remote instead of opening up. Don't spill your soul.

   • Have inside jokes and secrets with him. This is a great way to open up to each other and can help you gauge his sense of humor. Having inside jokes allows you to establish common ground and can strengthen your friendship.
   • Ask him if he has a crush! After you've gotten to know each other and share a certain level of trust, you may feel comfortable enough to ask him if he has a crush. This can move the relationship forward if he's interested in you! Be sure to ask at a time when it flows naturally; do not force it into an unrelated conversation.
   • If he isn't interested, don't be visibly upset. Put your best foot forward; you can still be friends and his feelings about you may change over time.

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   Let him see your best self. As you become friends and spend more time together, let your confidence show. If you try too hard to be someone you're not, he won't get to know the real you. Don't be afraid to be yourself. He'll be impressed by how cool, understanding, and fun you are.

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   Identify why you like this boy. Be sure it isn't all about his looks. Get to know him first so you can be sure he isn't a jerk. Take opportunities to chat with him in class or in the hallways. Without getting to know him, you may eventually realize you don't have anything in common. Maybe you enjoy his positive attitude or sense of humor.

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   Don't be nervous about talking to him. After working on your confidence and identifying why you like the boy, it's time to jump in and talk to him! Make sure you talk about things he likes, or the conversation may die quickly. For example, if he's on a sports team, tell him he played well. If you're still feeling shy, find ways to be around him in a group because he still might notice you if you smile and make eye contact.

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   Get to know his friends. They can be sources of information, such as if he likes you or the kinds of things that interest him. Ask them about activities they enjoy doing together.You can even talk about classes you have together or ask for help in a certain subject. Then you can use this information to make conversation with the boy you're trying to impress.[5]

   • If his friends reveal anything personal about him, be careful not to mention this to him. He may think you're prying.

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   Find an excuse to get his number. After talking to him for a little while, an opportunity to ask for his number may come on its own.[6] For example, if you're working on a class project together, that's the perfect time to ask.

   • Connect with him on social media if he doesn't have a cell phone. If he doesn't have his own phone where you can call and text him, he might be active on social media. Mention Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram and add him on those sites. Mention previous conversations or something he might find interesting if you're looking for a way to initiate a dialogue on social media.

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   Don't be too forward. Just a little bit of flirtation will get the message across. You don't want the guy to think that you'd flirt with just anyone. Make him feel special about getting some attention from you.

   • Don't talk about other guys. While you may not mean anything by it, this could send the wrong message to the boy you're trying to impress. He may think you're interested in someone else.

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Article SummaryX

Impressing boys in middle school is all about being confident and getting to know them. When you start a conversation with a boy, look for common interests and joke around with him a bit. For example, if you sing, you can talk to a boy about what music he likes and his favorite bands. Don’t be afraid to talk to the boy’s friends, which will make you look more confident. You can also ask them about the boy you like to learn more about him. Do some fun hobbies in your free time to help build your self esteem and give you impressive things to talk about with him. If you think a boy might like you back, make the first move and ask for his number or social media accounts. Your confidence will likely impress him. For more tips, including how ask a boy if he has a crush, read on!

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Reader Success Stories

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  "First, let him see your best self. For instance, say hi or smile at him and look at him in the eye."

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