How to respond to someone who is projecting Reddit

I’ve recently discovered in therapy that a lot of the insecurities I carry are what people project on to me. For example: sometimes I’ll think that how I spend my time truly isn’t important because people always seem to comment on how busy I am or will make passive aggressive comments like “when can you take time out of your illustrious career to meet up with an old friend?”

That’s just one example(maybe not the best) but my schedule seems to get thrown in my face the most even though i don’t carry on like I’m the busiest person in the world or even act like i can’t be bothered. Does this happen to anyone else? How do you deal with people projecting insecurity on to you?

There are many types of response that a listener can make when a speaker is sharing a problem or the negative feelings that come with it. I'm trying to come up with the different categories they fall into. Here are four types of responses:

Commiserating This type of response seeks to make the speaker’s problems and feelings into a big deal, in an attempt to justify the feelings. The listener’s replies will reiterate the problem and how that makes the speaker feel, often elaborating on it and exaggerating both. Examples: “That must be just so terrible.” “I don’t understand how you’re not more upset at that!” “You were so brave to do that; I could never have done that.” Often commiserating can make a speaker feel worse, because they are getting their problem and feelings repackaged and spoken back to them, often in exaggerated tones, which puts them in the position of defending the position that it’s not that bad after all.

Shaping This type of response seeks to shape how a person is reacting to a problem. The listener hears the problem and attitude of the speaker, and in an effort to help change their attitude or fix the problem, they use their response to accomplish one of these two things. Often this type of response will be along the lines of “Look on the bright side.” Examples: “Maybe things aren’t as bad as they seem?” “I bet it’s an easy fix once you have a change to work on it.” “But everything else today has been so great, so at least there’s that!” This type of response can leave the speaker feeling that they weren’t heard, understood, or taken seriously. They also start to feel bad that they are feeling the way they do instead of the way the listener suggests they should feel.

Validating This type of response seeks to make the speaker know they are being heard and that the listener cares about the problem and how they are feeling about it. They let the speaker know that it’s ok and understandable that they would feel the way they do. Examples: “I can see why you feel that way.” “I think I would feel the same way if I were in your situation.” “Tell me more; I don’t quite understand yet because I haven’t been in that situation.” Asking questions is a validating response because it shows the speaker that the listener is engaged in what they are saying and seeking to understand more how they are feeling.

Ignoring This type of response seeks to not add to a problem by ignoring the issue. The listener will try to change the subject thinking that it will save the speaker from experiencing negative feelings. Examples: “Let’s talk about something happier.” “Why don’t we talk about this later when you’ve had more time to think about it.” “Well how about I tell you about my day then?” This type of response makes the speaker feel uncared about, and that their feelings are not important to the listener.

Are there more categories of responses that I'm missing? And can you critique the ones I've already come up with?

Are you very judgmental of others?

This will lead you to believe they’re being judgemental towards you.

Do you think you’re a loser? It doesn’t mean everyone else does, but you will likely assume this.

Do you think you’re not worthy of anyone’s attention?

You will assume others think this as well.

This will result in your speaking low, unconfident and therefore making yourself seem unworthy.

You don’t live in people’s heads and therefore, remember that if you try to assume what they think, the only source of information you have is from within yourself.

Of course there are cases where people blatantly give cues that lead to these assumptions, but if you find yourself repeatedly coming to a conclusion about “people”, look within yourself.

If you want to be comfortable in social situation, you have to be realistic and give people a chance to show you who they are.

STOP assuming people’s thoughts.

You are 99% of the time WRONG.

Those are YOUR thoughts.

Have you ever heard the saying “you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself first”?

What this means is;

If you hate yourself, you project hate onto others.

You assume they hate you too, therefore, your capacity to open yourself and interact with them is limited. And as an effect, they won’t show you love either.

This is projection.

If you love yourself?

You will see that love in others. You will assume that they welcome you. And that behavior will lead them to love you back.

It’s just a positive form of projection at the end of the day.

THATS what the quote really means and it is 100% true.

How do you respond to someone projecting?

How do you reject a projection?

How do you tell if someone is projecting onto you?

What does it mean when someone says are you projecting?