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**This blog post was updated on August 27, 2021.** Part of growing up is learning about and interacting with aspects of human sexuality. For parents, this can be stressful, confusing, and even scary — but rest assured it’s a normal part of being a kid. Children learn about the world through exploratory play, and that includes exploratory sexual play. Because of this, it’s important for parents to support their kids through every stage in their development, from preschool to high school. Knowing what to generally expect for age-appropriate sexual curiosity will help you gauge where your child is at. In this post, we’ll provide you with guideposts for what’s considered common behaviors for kids in each age range — as well as potential dangers like sexting and grooming. Stages of Sexual Behavior in ChildrenPreschool (ages 0-5)Common Behaviors
Uncommon Behaviors
Early school-age (5-9)Common Behaviors
Uncommon Behaviors
Preadolescence (9-12)Common Behaviors
Uncommon Behaviors
Adolescence (13-16)Common Behaviors
Uncommon Behaviors
Important Conversations to Have About Potential DangersOnline predatorsSexual abuse by online predators is a danger that no parent wants to imagine happening to their child. Because of this, it’s important to educate yourself and your family about what these threats look like. One of the most crucial things you can do is make sure your kid knows they can always come to you for help no matter what’s happened. Sexting1 in 4 kids today is sexting — it’s essentially become the new first base for Gen Z. Whether you’ve discovered that your kid is sending nudes or you just want to be ready in case it happens, preparation is everything. One of the best ways to get ahead of this issue is to talk about it and discuss the dangers children may not always think about. Our blog posts about sending nudes and potential legal problemscan answer your questions and provide you with support. ConsentIt’s never too early to talk to your kids about the concept of bodily consent — the conversation can always grow more comprehensive as they get older. For example, younger kids can understand not wanting to be tickled or always having to hug Aunt Martha. Older kids, on the other hand, can grasp more serious concepts regarding sexual boundaries. Our consent blog post is filled with conversation starters and advice for navigating this important subject. Sexual assaultIt may be difficult to tell if your child has experienced sexual abuse, but watching out for some potential warning signs can help. If your kid has started wetting the bed again, avoids getting undressed, starts having extreme nightmares, or has new knowledge about sexual topics that aren’t usual for their age, something may be wrong.
How to RespondIf you see your child engaging in sexual behavior respond in a calm manner and ask open-ended questions. Not all sexual behaviors, even uncommon ones, are an indication of abuse. A healthy response by a parent can have positive long-term effects on guiding sexual development and eliminating problem behaviors. Ways to manage the interaction include:
It may feel uncomfortable talking about sex with your children, but a healthy parental response provides education and direction. As you set boundaries for your kids regarding their sexual behavior, the use of resources and information on the stages of sexual development are key in understanding how to react. Using an online safety service like Bark can help you start a conversation about healthy sexual behaviors. Positive, clear messages about boundaries, privacy, and consent are an important part of creating open communication on your child’s sexual development and experiences. Resources for Learning More About Age-Appropriate Sexual Curiosity
Is it normal to question your sexuality at 13?Is it natural to be confused or question your sexuality at a young age? Yes, this is normal and very common. Sexual orientation — being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or straight — is about sexual attraction.
Does sexuality change with age?Your sexual response starts to slow down after age 50. But your sex drive is more likely to be affected by your health and attitude about sex and intimacy than by your age. It may take longer to get an erection. Also, more time needs to pass between erections.
How do you explain Lgbtq to a child?Consider using children's books or videos that discuss gender identity and/or sexual orientation. The television show Steven Universe and books like And Tango Makes Three or I am Jazz are great ways to start conversations. Give information based on your child's development age.
What to do if you are questioning sexuality?Talking through what's on your mind can be very powerful and help you through this process. By taking your time to explore your sexuality, doing some research, making time for personal reflection and reaching out for support, you can start to reach a place of more acceptance and understanding.
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