What does it mean to love yourself first

Practice the magic of self-love at a Wanderlust 108! Find Out More | Buy Tickets

In a world where we’ve been raised to put others first, self-love can often feel selfish. Setting aside time for self-love causes feelings of guilt, and we struggle to maintain a dedicated self-love practice. It’s frustrating. We know we need self-love, yet we have difficulty giving ourselves permission to experience it. Ironic, isn’t it?

We’re living in an era where the self-love revolution is gaining momentum, yet we have trouble doing the work; it goes against everything we were raised to believe. We were never taught self-love in school, and most of us didn’t learn about self-love in our homes.

So what did we learn?

We learned to put others first. We learned the importance of success. We learned to work hard and make money. But we didn’t learn how to keep ourselves feeling fueled for that journey.

Self-love is our fuel; it’s the foundation for who we are. Everything builds on top of this foundation, and if it isn’t solid, life feels shaky. For those of us who have experienced the power of self-love, we can agree that the effects can often feel quite magical. The moment we start loving ourselves, we experience shifts—positive shifts. Life begins to move forward with more ease and things begin to magically fall into place. Relationships improve. Health improves. And life begins to feel good—really good—ridiculously good.

Loving you first and creating that deep, internal relationship has countless magical benefits. When you begin your love affair with yourself, you will…

Recognize + Prioritize Your Needs

In order to create that loving relationship with yourself, you’ll have to recognize your needs. Without self-love, you are dismissive of your needs; you ignore them, while prioritizing the needs of others such as your partners, friends, family, and coworkers. Self-love is all about identifying your needs and making them a priority in your life. It’s about doing what truly feels right for you.

Gain a True Sense of Self

Say goodbye to codependency. Self-love pushes you to take care of your own needs. You’ll learn to give to yourself, and in doing so, you will develop into the person you strive to be. You’ll celebrate the beauty and freedom of being true to you, and you’ll gain a solidified sense of who you truly are. Self-love helps you ground into your true self.

Set Loving Boundaries

As your self-love expands, so will your ability to identify what is and isn’t good for you. Simply put, the more you love yourself, the less you’ll tolerate being treated like crap. You’ll gain the clarity you need to understand what you will and will not accept in your life.

Prevent Self-Sabotage

You know when everything is finally going great, and then all of a sudden you sabotage that great feeling by doing something destructive? Self-love makes that saboteur behavior go away. As we grow that love within you, it will become easier to accept good things in your life.

Drop the Victim Mentality

Self-love is all about taking ownership; owning up to your actions, and how you choose to show up in this world. The only reason you adopt a victim mentality is because you refuse to see the role you play in your experiences. When you begin to prioritize self-love, you start to view your experiences differently. It’s all about learning lessons, not denying them. Ownership is empowering.

Give Love Without Feeling Depleted

Flight attendants always tell you to put your masks on before helping others with theirs. Why? Because you can’t help others if you can’t breathe. Self-love works the same way. You cannot give love to others if you don’t have that love within. You may feel as though you have the ability to love, but what’s really happening is you’re giving love from an empty space, further draining your energy and emptying your tank. This leads to that sense of depletion, emptiness, and exhaustion after you feel yourself giving, giving, and giving to someone. However, when you remember to put your mask on first and stock up on self-love, you’ll be giving love from a full tank. This type of giving feels energizing and good.

Find Your Own Happy

Stop seeking happiness outside of you. You won’t find it. You may find temporary happy moments, but you won’t find long-lasting happiness. Self-love helps you get your groove back. It’s simple, really. The more love you show yourself, the better you feel. And the better you feel, the happier you become. You are in charge of your happiness, and self-love is the key to finding it.

Self-love is not selfish. Self-love is about connecting to your innermost needs, celebrating the freedom of being you, and honoring who you truly are while dropping your destructive patterns. Loving yourself is magical—it’s a divine relationship that will help you radically improve every single aspect of your life. So go on, drop the guilt, and embrace having a deep, loving relationship with YOU.

—

Ruby Fremon is a coach, catalyst, and ignitor. She helps Millennial women radically boost self-love and create lives that make them ridiculously happy. Imagine how groovy it would feel to wake up feeling amazing about yourself and your life, every single day? It’s possible, and Ruby will help you get there. She combines her love for ‘woo’ with her passion for coaching. Crystals, Tarot, and channeling messages are all part of what makes her life-changing coaching programs unique. What makes Ruby a truly dynamic coach is her ability to blend together practicality with spirituality. This fusion helps her clients create massive life shifts that stick.

Ready to experience a radical boost in happiness and self-love? Apply for a Soul Clarity Session with Ruby at iamru.by/letstalk. 

It is echoed continually in our culture. You see it television and hear it on the radio. You read about it on the internet and in print media. They all shout from the roof tops that in order for you to attain a complete and fulfilling life, you must learn to love yourself. In order for you to love someone else, you must learn to love yourself first.

What exactly does this phrase mean and how do you accomplish it? You hear it at recovery meetings and other self-help groups. This expression seems to have lost its message. Does loving yourself mean becoming self-centered and conceited? Does it mean that you pursue your goals no matter who gets hurt along your journey? Does loving yourself have anything to do with the acquisition of material items? How do you know if you are in the state of loving yourself or not? Do you feel euphoric when you love yourself? Do you have the combined strength of superman and superwoman?

None of this really accurately describes what it is and what it means to love yourself. It is not experienced like a 24/7 drug rush that never lets you down. You have moments when you are down even when you do love yourself. The length of time you are in a state of despair can be greatly diminished if you love yourself, but it won't totally go away.

You will also find time to harshly judge your actions and character if you love yourself, but you will find reasons to put an end to this self-hatred talk quickly. If you have experienced self-hatred, you can certainly live in a world of self love. If you know how to tear yourself down, you can learn how to build yourself up. Matter of fact, those of us who have experienced the depths of self-hatred can really learn to appreciate the positivity of self-love.

It is important to be aware when you are demonstrating self-loving behavior. If you can start to do this, you will begin to get a sense of what loving yourself means. Here are some examples:

• Breaking up with a partner who has been abusive to you
• Seeking out a new job because the one you have is a dead end
• Confronting someone who has hurt you emotionally
• Beginning a recovery program for substance abuse or overeating
• Crying about emotional wounds that occurred in child hood.
• Realizing that feeling your own pain is a major step in healing
• Starting a new class or playing a new instrument
• Beginning an exercise program
• Finally going to the doctor to obtain a physical exam
• Start going to therapy because you are unhappy

You are loving yourself when: you are able to live in the present rather than worrying about the future or agonizing over the past. When you are living in the present, there is no room for this dread; you realize that you are beating yourself up and then stop; You learn to focus on something other than feeling guilty or regretful; You actually believe that you are a decent person and have gifts to offer to the world; You help out someone who is less fortunate than you; You realize that you have had a positive impact on another. You are experiencing self-love when you are giving of yourself; You can accept that you are not perfect and never will be-you are at peace; flaws and all; you hear music that enlightens or when you see a sunset and realize that you are part of the beauty of the world.