When your boyfriend compares you to another girl

(Original post by Heartbroken9)
I know but it still hurts because I'm starting to think I'm not the same person I was when he met me..I used to like drawing, poetry, writing my diary, reading and now I've kind of become less into all that and the girls he describes are like that which kinda hurts seeing as I might not be the same as I was before.

These are issues you have about yourself changing nothing to do with him. He likes you as you are going out. It's not surprising he likes other people with the same interests but if he wanted to date them rather than you he would. Pull yourself together your being really over the top.

(Original post by Brouhaha) I think it's probably an aspect of his personality you don't like, this infatuation thing. Maybe.

How long have you been going out?

We've been going out almost a year now. Yeah I don't like it, you're right, like I wish he had more control over his emotions and just reserved all his love for me, no one else.

(Original post by zav)
These are issues you have about yourself changing nothing to do with him. He likes you as you are going out. It's not surprising he likes other people with the same interests but if he wanted to date them rather than you he would. Pull yourself together your being really over the top.

I probably am being over the top, but if it makes me upset I can't help it. I love him to pieces and I hate the thought of him getting along well with some other girl. I know he won't date them but what if he secretly thinks in his mind that they're better than me? It still hurts even if he hasn't run of with anyone.

(Original post by Heartbroken9)
yep Im from there,

awww, don't worry about it
it should be fine.

(Original post by Heartbroken9)
He says it's because they remind him of me which I believe to some extent but it is really starting to upset me, he'll say something cute or sweet a girl said, or explain how someone's personality is really girly and adorable and when I tell him it hurts me he will keep doing it. I know for a fact he doesn't fancy these girls but at most he warms to some nice friendly girls really easily and it makes me worry that he wants me to be like that. Also I keep checking their profiles and pictures on facebook and starting to feel insecure about why he is even with me. Has anyone else had this before?

Awwwwwh, you sound so innocent!! Maybe .... maybe, (im no expert) it is because he wants you to be a bit more girly like te women he talks about if you get what I mean .... but to be honest ... just stick to who you are, dont change yourself for any one, you are unique after all and thats all what counts! All the best! You sound really innocent and cute in all your posts ahaha!

(Original post by cookieboy)
Awwwwwh, you sound so innocent!! Maybe .... maybe, (im no expert) it is because he wants you to be a bit more girly like te women he talks about if you get what I mean .... but to be honest ... just stick to who you are, dont change yourself for any one, you are unique after all and thats all what counts! All the best! You sound really innocent and cute in all your posts ahaha!

Aww hehe! yeah I mean I used to be really really girly, but since recently I've kind of become more down and withdrawn and I think I am not the same person he fell in love with, like I was a lot more confident and funny and he used to find everything I said or did really cute and kept commenting on it whereas now I don't think he really shows that much interest, maybe cause he can't handle my change of mood, I don't know.

(Original post by Heartbroken9)
I probably am being over the top, but if it makes me upset I can't help it. I love him to pieces and I hate the thought of him getting along well with some other girl. I know he won't date them but what if he secretly thinks in his mind that they're better than me? It still hurts even if he hasn't run of with anyone.

Well if your boyfriend is a cool guy he will have some friends that are girls as well. You will just have to learn to get on with this. Maybe tell him your feeling a bit jealous of them but in a cute embarrassed way. He might try and be a bit nicer about what he tells you.

(Original post by thecaterpillar)
Don't forget, as well, a lot of boys (I know this is a generalisation, but in a lot of cases it's true) just don't think the same way as girls. For example, you probably would not want to go on about a boy you knew and how great he was, because you would think your boyfriend would think you were hinting at something, or get jealous. However, when boys say something like this, the likelihood is he's not really thinking you might react like that -he's just saying what he feels, not because he wants you to be like that, or likes them better or anything.

You're right. When we say something like "that girl is hot", we don't mean to cause upset, we just say what we think, because it wouldn't come into our heads that you'd be upset by this.

(Original post by zav)
Well if your boyfriend is a cool guy he will have some friends that are girls as well. You will just have to learn to get on with this. Maybe tell him your feeling a bit jealous of them but in a cute embarrassed way. He might try and be a bit nicer about what he tells you.

Yeah I have to learn to accept it I guess

To heart Broken, forgot to quote you ... and im feeling lazy now :P
He should still love you for who you are and to upset you, im sorry I think that is totaly unacceptable, especialy when he realises he is not exactly making you happy saying these things ...

I really do hope he realises that you are special and shows the interest in you because you seem like a really nice woman. Good luck!

Make sure it doesnt get you down too much and if it does, then maybe you need to talk to him seriously, I also understand the fact that it is worrying when your partner gets too close to other people of the opposite sex but I am very much sure he wouldnt cheat on you

Heads up Miss!

(Original post by fisherman)
You're right. When we say something like "that girl is hot", we don't mean to cause upset, we just say what we think, because it wouldn't come into our heads that you'd be upset by this.

Omg surely it's obvious your girlfriend would be upset if you're calling another girl hot? Even if she is hot, is there really any need to blurt it out?

(Original post by cookieboy)
To heart Broken, forgot to quote you ... and im feeling lazy now :P
He should still love you for who you are and to upset you, im sorry I think that is totaly unacceptable, especialy when he realises he is not exactly making you happy saying these things ...

I really do hope he realises that you are special and shows the interest in you because you seem like a really nice woman. Good luck!

Heads up Miss!

Aww I totally agree with you, I don't understand why I should accept it, I will try and be less upset about it but I mean if it makes me down I can't really change the way I feel inside. When you love someone, I guess the slightest thing can make you worry that it isn't gonna last, not because I don't trust him but because I'm scared good things never last. Thank u so much for your help

(Original post by Heartbroken9)
Omg surely it's obvious your girlfriend would be upset if you're calling another girl hot? Even if she is hot, is there really any need to blurt it out?

No way Fishhy, If you have a GF, there is no need what so ever to say such a thing. I think it is a a lack of respect man, how dare you!

I'm about the most insecure person I know. It would make me insanely jealous too... however, looking at it from an outside perspective, I can notice something that's a bit reassuring. Like thecaterpillar said, guys mostly don't think about what they say, and can be quite blunt. I know my boyfriend has told me a couple of things that have made me boil with jealousy, but in the end, it was all due to a lack of sensitivity from him. But I digress... Ok, the reassuring bit, he's a guy, he's blunt and he doesn't really know how to give a good compliment (a trait that a lot of guys share)... Now, he picks some particular things that these girls say/do, and tells you they remind him of you. But the thing is, he isn't talking about the whole package... he picks SOME stuff about them. This means he's thinking about you all the time (like zav pointed out), and also, that you have all those qualities he sees in the other girls... all in one. A girl may like painting, but this is just one quality, maybe she has other things about herself he wouldn't be into. But you have them all! This is why he picked you! I also like to paint, draw, write... and I've been having a bit of a block for the last year, I'm just not as inspired as I used to be. I know my boyfriend LOVES all this, and also he likes musicians... I play guitar, although I'm not that good but he loves it, and also my tastes in music, filsm, books... yet every now and then there are girls who are like me, and I get insecure... but then I realize a relationship is about much more than this, and my boyfriend has found someone who shares a lot in common with him, who has lots of things he likes, but also has a personality and things that make me ME, that he loves... where on Earth will he find someone like me again?!? Sometimes he tells me he knows he'll never find someone better, because, again, where will he find someone who has everything he wants in one person? I'm sure your boyfriend is in a similar situation. A side note, every now and then I'll be walking down the street and I'll see a guy who I think is cute... why? 99% of the time, this guy's hair reminds me of my boyfriend, or his eyes, smile, whatever... And what does this mean to me? Well, nothing, just a few seconds when I see a guy who reminds me of him. What does this cause in me? Well, my trail of thought goes like "Oh, he's cute! Look at his hair, it's pretty, just like my boyfriend's! But my sweetie is definitely better than this guy... I wanna see him now!". I do compare, yes, but my boyfriend always wins, hands down... the same thing happens when I talk to a guy who shares an interest with my boyfriend, etc... it's meaningless, it's just a moment when I think about my boyfriend and reassures me in a positive way that my boyfriend is a catch because he has this one quality and many more! I don't comment this to him, because he gets jealous too, and I don't think it's necessary. But I've never wished my boyfriend was like another guy when I'm doing the comparison. Again, all it does is making me realize my boyfriend is just the guy I want. Sorry for the lenght, I got a bit carried away.

Oh, by the way I just read about your mood changing, do you know what caused this? Does it have to do with your boyfriend or something else? I don't mean to scare you, but you could be suffering from mild depression, it happened to me once and it really changed me and I got to a point where I enjoyed nothing and no one, and I was very down about myself, etc... I let it carry on and it ended making me a very sad person. Then it went away and I'm reasonably happy again

(Original post by Heartbroken9)
Omg surely it's obvious your girlfriend would be upset if you're calling another girl hot? Even if she is hot, is there really any need to blurt it out?

Well I wouldn't be that obvious, yes, because it's almost like saying "I want to **** that girl," but saying something like "the girl has a pretty face" would be something a guy would say to his girlfriend with no idea that it would hurt thier feelings. I'm just saying that the guy is not doing it to hurt your feelings, he probably has no idea he's upsetting you. And if you tell him, you'll appear paranoid and overprotective etc, but if you don't, you'll just feel down. You need to get more confidence with yourself, he's with you because he wants you, not the other girls, he finds you more sexy and interesting than the other girls he talks about.

(Original post by doesitmatter?) I'm about the most insecure person I know. It would make me insanely jealous too... however, looking at it from an outside perspective, I can notice something that's a bit reassuring. Like thecaterpillar said, guys mostly don't think about what they say, and can be quite blunt. I know my boyfriend has told me a couple of things that have made me boil with jealousy, but in the end, it was all due to a lack of sensitivity from him. But I digress... Ok, the reassuring bit, he's a guy, he's blunt and he doesn't really know how to give a good compliment (a trait that a lot of guys share)... Now, he picks some particular things that these girls say/do, and tells you they remind him of you. But the thing is, he isn't talking about the whole package... he picks SOME stuff about them. This means he's thinking about you all the time (like zav pointed out), and also, that you have all those qualities he sees in the other girls... all in one. A girl may like painting, but this is just one quality, maybe she has other things about herself he wouldn't be into. But you have them all! This is why he picked you! I also like to paint, draw, write... and I've been having a bit of a block for the last year, I'm just not as inspired as I used to be. I know my boyfriend LOVES all this, and also he likes musicians... I play guitar, although I'm not that good but he loves it, and also my tastes in music, filsm, books... yet every now and then there are girls who are like me, and I get insecure... but then I realize a relationship is about much more than this, and my boyfriend has found someone who shares a lot in common with him, who has lots of things he likes, but also has a personality and things that make me ME, that he loves... where on Earth will he find someone like me again?!? Sometimes he tells me he knows he'll never find someone better, because, again, where will he find someone who has everything he wants in one person? I'm sure your boyfriend is in a similar situation. A side note, every now and then I'll be walking down the street and I'll see a guy who I think is cute... why? 99% of the time, this guy's hair reminds me of my boyfriend, or his eyes, smile, whatever... And what does this mean to me? Well, nothing, just a few seconds when I see a guy who reminds me of him. What does this cause in me? Well, my trail of thought goes like "Oh, he's cute! Look at his hair, it's pretty, just like my boyfriend's! But my sweetie is definitely better than this guy... I wanna see him now!". I do compare, yes, but my boyfriend always wins, hands down... the same thing happens when I talk to a guy who shares an interest with my boyfriend, etc... it's meaningless, it's just a moment when I think about my boyfriend and reassures me in a positive way that my boyfriend is a catch because he has this one quality and many more! I don't comment this to him, because he gets jealous too, and I don't think it's necessary. But I've never wished my boyfriend was like another guy when I'm doing the comparison. Again, all it does is making me realize my boyfriend is just the guy I want.

Sorry for the lenght, I got a bit carried away.

with that answer, this thread could be closed now, problem solved. Great "Article"

Im sure this would be much appreciated.

That's such helpful advice. You're so right, I do have everything he wants otherwise he would've chosen someone else. Aww you sound just like me with having a block! It gets me down because the things I used to love doing don't appeal as much anymore and I'm worried that all the things he fell in love with me for have now gone. Your so right about comparing with other guys, I subtly do it to and the conclusion is that my boyfriend always comes out on top aswell so perhaps he is doing that too with girls, and hopefully I'm the one who he prefers in his mind! I'm just going to take it in my stride and make a joke of it otherwise he might genuinely start getting fed up of me being so insecure around him. Thanks so much for your advice

(Original post by cookieboy)
No way Fishhy, If you have a GF, there is no need what so ever to say such a thing. I think it is a a lack of respect man, how dare you!

You can treat women with too much respect.

But if I'm with a girl, she's got to be interesting and good looking, and confident. And they know it. So they're secure enough about themselves to know I find them more sexy and fun and would rather be with them than any other girl I talk about.

you should do the same back!!

talk about really fit guys and then when he complains just tell thats how you feel when he talks about those girls!

(Original post by Heartbroken9)
That's such helpful advice. You're so right, I do have everything he wants otherwise he would've chosen someone else. Aww you sound just like me with having a block! It gets me down because the things I used to love doing don't appeal as much anymore and I'm worried that all the things he fell in love with me for have now gone. Your so right about comparing with other guys, I subtly do it to and the conclusion is that my boyfriend always comes out on top aswell so perhaps he is doing that too with girls, and hopefully I'm the one who he prefers in his mind! I'm just going to take it in my stride and make a joke of it otherwise he might genuinely start getting fed up of me being so insecure around him. Thanks so much for your advice

You're very welcome! I know how it's like being insecure... sometimes what I do is I focus on what I feel for my boyfriend and how I feel about my male friends. The truth is my boyfriend is the most important guy to me on Earth, and my friends are just that. And then I think to myself, "Well, if I feel that way about him, he most likely feels the same way about me!"

And about the block... I'm just waiting to be creative again! It's frustrating, grr! Lol... but I'm patient, I don't want to force it.