Why do guys stop putting in effort once they have you

Now I remember why I choose to stay single for so long, why am I not superised that this is happening to me...my gosh.. lol.. So I agreed to his girlfriend, he liked me for soo long, he was treating me good and was VERY sweet and attentive, I felt like he deserved me, he was so sweet he made my heart warm. But as soon as I agreed to be his girl his mood changed-- all that sweet stuff stopped! He used to call me beautiful daily- now all he does is compliment my ass actually as a matter of fact since we've been a couple that's the only nice thing he has said about me. He used to tell me he missed me, use to hug me, now nothing. He tells me to go make him food- I dont find that amusing at all, I know he's playing but it's so jerky the way he says it. But he expects me to be sweet to him and when im not im RUDE- i am rude when when Im not getting treated the way I want and if he cant im telling him to get the f outta my face. We're not married I could leave whenever.

What's the deal boyz?

(edited 11 years ago)

Sounds like a loser (no offense). Sometimes guys just try to be nice to girls to get with them and once they do, they show how they really act.

I suggest that you sit down with him and have a serious conversation and let him know how you feel. If he cares about you he'll change, if he doesn't you should leave him.

xobeauty

Now I remember why I choose to stay single for so long, why am I not superised that this is happening to me...my gosh.. lol..

So I agreed to his girlfriend, he liked me for soo long, he was treating me good and was VERY sweet and attentive, I felt like he deserved me, he was so sweet he made my heart warm. But as soon as I agreed to be his girl his mood changed-- all that sweet stuff stopped! He used to call me beautiful daily- now all he does is compliment my ass actually as a matter of fact since we've been a couple that's the only nice thing he has said about me. He used to tell me he missed me, use to hug me, now nothing. He tells me to go make him food- I dont find that amusing at all, I know he's playing but it's so jerky the way he says it. But he expects me to be sweet to him and when im not im RUDE- i am rude when when Im not getting treated the way I want and if he cant im telling him to get the f outta my face. We're not married I could leave whenever.

What's the deal boyz?

Oh dear, it's so tough, isn't it :camp: A guy not treating you like an absolute goddess

Ask him? Sometimes relationships form just as a means to maintain regular sex (or otherwise if don't have it). One thing of vital importance though...if this thread turns into another 'nice guy' thread, you must destroy it. Destroy it before it grows a life of its own!!

sil3nt_cha0s

Oh dear, it's so tough, isn't it :camp: A guy not treating you like an absolute goddess

bit harsh for this time of day lol

Familiarity breeds contempt. Unless you are 'the one', he's probably already lining up his next conquest now he's 'had' you. The deals is, you're not married, so he could leave whenever he wants.

Walter Ego

Familiarity breeds contempt. Unless you are 'the one', he's probably already lining up his next conquest now he's 'had' you. The deals is, you're not married, so he could leave whenever he wants.

Like what you did there, BOOM

ForKicks

Ask him? Sometimes relationships form just as a means to maintain regular sex (or otherwise if don't have it). One thing of vital importance though...if this thread turns into another 'nice guy' thread, you must destroy it. Destroy it before it grows a life of its own!!

We havent had sex...he's a virgin. We had a talk about that, he says he could wait and that it's not important to him.

(edited 11 years ago)

sil3nt_cha0s

Oh dear, it's so tough, isn't it

Muah, I luv you too.

xobeauty

We havent had sex...he's a virgin, I only get into relationships with virgins. We had a talk about that, he says he could wait and that it's not important to him.

hmm, I feel this is important enough to change the advice people will give. Will address it when less tired

ForKicks

hmm, I feel this is important enough to change the advice people will give. Will address it when less tired

No. Now please I'll give u a dollar.

is he getting laid? yes? then why should he bother. i pretty much put zero effort in once i'm getting laid. the longer she puts up with me the more i like her deep down.

Why are men always the ones, supposed to put in all the effort, you selfish beach.

Munchies-YumYum

Why are men always the ones, supposed to put in all the effort, you selfish beach.

Who the **** said that I dont put in effort?

FailWhale

is he getting laid? yes? then why should he bother. i pretty much put zero effort in once i'm getting laid. the longer she puts up with me the more i like her deep down.

No he's a virgin still. I wanted it, but he's not acting right.

Ah, right. He's scared of sex then ! He's distancing himself to avoid the embarrassment. Get yourself a real man and grind him 'til he screams, and then some more 'til he bleeds and begs to be untied.

xobeauty

Now I remember why I choose to stay single for so long, why am I not superised that this is happening to me...my gosh.. lol.. So I agreed to his girliend, he liked me for soo long, he was treating me good and was VERY sweet and attentive, I felt like he deserved me, he was so sweet he made my heart warm. But as soon as I agreed to be his girl his mood changed-- all that sweet stuff stopped! He used to call me beautiful daily- now all he does is compliment my ass actually as a matter of fact since we've been a couple that's the only nice thing he has said about me. He used to tell me he missed me, use to hug me, now nothing. He tells me to go make him food- I dont find that amusing at all, I know he's playing but it's so jerky the way he says it. But he expects me to be sweet to him and when im not im RUDE- i am rude when when Im not getting treated the way I want and if he cant im telling him to get the f outta my face. We're not married I could leave whenever.

What's the deal boyz?

Drop this guy and move on to someone else.

(edited 11 years ago)

Neil_K

The replies you've gotten here have been poor. So I'll add in my 2 cents...Basically, your boyfriend didn't stop putting in effort....he simply reverted back to his real self.See, most guys do all sorts of things to 'impress' girls when they first meet them. They put on fake charm and give the girl lots of flattery and attention. The girl then starts to like the guy, and they end up going out.But after a few weeks/months/years the guy then thinks 'I've got this girl now, so I can start getting lazy and not put any effort in'. So the guy reverts back to his true self, devoid of the charm etc that he faked in order to get the girl to like him.The girl then gets frustrated and often the relationship fails. Essentially, most guys MISREPRESENT themselves when they first meet a girl...they are on their best behaviour and put their best foot forward in order to attract the girl. But the guy's true personality is always revealed later on, after he thinks he's 'got' the girl and he gets lazy.It's sad that men all over the world have to put on a false front to get women. Better to be you true self rather than put on a front. If a guy is going to be charming etc to a girl, it should be REAL and part of who he naturally is, and not a fake front he puts on, only to drop as soon as he gets the girl.So your boyfriend wasn't really 'sweet and attentive' when he first met you....that was a persona he put on to make you THINK he was 'sweet and attentive'. Now that he thinks he's got you, he's dropped the false mask and reverted back to his real self and you've seen him for who he truly is.It's this very pattern of behaviour that causes most relationships to fail.

Drop this guy and move on to someone else.

I'd wager your theory of men deciding to stop putting in effort is wrong, and that we simply subconsciously revert back to our normal behaviour. In my experience women are just as guilty, except they offer lots of exciting and dirty sex to lure men in, then reduce it progressively over weeks/months/years. Before you know it, the mini-skirts, see-thru tops, push-up bras, kinky boots, sexy make-up and rampant passion are replaced by slobby jogging bottoms, unkempt hair and farting over breakfast, and the men start dreaming of dropping the girl and moving on to someone else.

Walter Ego

I'd wager your theory of men deciding to stop putting in effort is wrong, and that we simply subconsciously revert back to our normal behaviour. In my experience women are just as guilty, except they offer lots of exciting and dirty sex to lure men in, then reduce it progressively over weeks/months/years. Before you know it, the mini-skirts, see-thru tops, push-up bras, kinky boots, sexy make-up and rampant passion are replaced by slobby jogging bottoms, unkempt hair and farting over breakfast, and the men start dreaming of dropping the girl and moving on to someone else.

So effort has to work BOTH ways. You can't get lazy in a relationship, or the relationship will fail.

(edited 11 years ago)