Adolescent relationships with parents and peers

Traditional family structure has undergone drastic changes over the years. Developmental models and intervention outcome studies recommend that ecological systems theory is a sustainable way to work on maintaining the parent-adolescent relationship in order to prevent the challenges of substance use and misuse among adolescents. Payne [28] reiterates that ecological systems theory focuses not only on the adolescent, but on the whole family, significant others, and the surrounding community. Among the major roles of parents in times of disruption is to maintain and restore family rules and routines that afford a sense of coherence, stability, and well-being during such times. Accordingly, attention is not only given to the behaviour of the individual, or in this case, the behaviour of the adolescent, but also to that of the parents; hence the parent-adolescent relationship is looked at holistically.

The environment, basically everything and everyone that surrounds them, exerts a significant impact on the adolescent. Building a good parent-adolescent relationship will assist parents in guiding and advising their adolescents about the dangers of, among others, substance misuse, and how to cope with peer pressure [29, 30]. In addition, studies on parental closeness and emotional support [4, 31] shows that a close parent-adolescent relationship is a direct buffer to substance use when adolescents experience challenges in their lives, as they are likely to receive the emotional support they require. Finally, positive parent–adolescent relationships protect adolescents from the negative effects of authoritarian and permissive parenting styles [32].

Adolescents often grow and flourish in the context of close and dependable relationships that provide love and nurturance. The absence of such relationships disrupts the development of adolescents, the outcome of which may be long and severe. This is sometimes exacerbated by the challenges of family discord and broken families.

Parents today are mostly working and that makes it difficult for them to have time to play or spend with their children, especially adolescents. If parents are not engaged in the lives of their adolescents, it becomes difficult for them to follow through their milestones. They also struggle to ascertain where their adolescents are psychologically and physically. Thus, building a healthy relationship helps both parties understand the family as a complex emotional system, not a business entity. Parents ought to nurture, encourage, show firmness, guide, respect, facilitate, love, and respect their adolescents. The understanding should be that when they disagree on issues it is not about who is in control, but rather about building each other up for the better.

The report by Mohasoa [33] indicates that parents who give their adolescents a lot of money without monitoring how it is spent might find their adolescents falling into the trap of misusing substances. Due to the fact that parents spend most of their time working, they go through life oblivious of what is going on around them and in the lives of their adolescents. Thus, Masombuka [34] asserts that adolescents of working parents are at higher risk of misusing substances than adolescents of retired and unemployed parents, as these parents might have more time to spend with their adolescents. Some parents are not even aware that their adolescents are misusing substances and only learn about their substance use disorder when their child is either arrested or from complaints from the school. This chapter has established that adolescents need a lot of support and care from their parents. When this is lacking, they are particularly vulnerable to the strong influence of peer pressure, which can result in substance misuse. The parent-adolescent relationship should encourage warmth and support. It should be a supportive environment where an adolescent feels comfortable enough to share and discuss any issues or concern in their lives, without the fear of judgement or punishment [35]. One of the goals of building the parent-adolescent relationship is to encourage and facilitate open communication between adolescents and their parents, which will inadvertently address many of the social ills the world is facing. Uninvolved parents have pushed their adolescents to be more negative in comparison to their adolescent friends who have a good relationship with their parents.

Bezuidenhout and Joubert [36] point out that adolescents have a powerful need to spend more time with their peers and less time with their parents. Because they highly value friends and socialising and eagerly desire to fit in with their peers, adolescents may end up engaging in dangerous activities. In support of this, Berk [37] alludes to research that shows that adolescents who are insecure and feel incompetent are susceptible to peer pressure, frequently giving in to peer influences to fit in, and may consequently engage in substance misuse. Troubled parent-adolescent relationships contribute to some adolescents feeling that they are of no value to their parents. Losing hope, they end up socialising with deviant peer groups, increasing their risk of engaging in substance misuse. Highlighting the impact of negative peer groups, Cottrell and Monk [38] assert that peers can incite spiteful behaviour towards their parents, especially in broken relationships, and that adolescents always have many reasons to be vindictive, vengeful and spiteful. Parents need to be actively involved in their adolescents’ lives. This means, they should be cognisant of which friends their adolescents are socialising with, where they are hanging out, and what activities they are engaging in. This awareness will assist parents in guarding their adolescents against the dangers of substance misuse as well as teach them how to cope with peer pressure.

Children in the adolescence stage feel that they are maturing enough to make their own decisions. Parents therefore need to act more cautiously when handling their adolescents, as they are more likely to follow the rules of their parents if they are treated with love and respect [39]. Some adolescents have a hard time communicating with their parents about certain problems they are experiencing within the home, at school, at work, or in their relationships. However, research [3, 4, 32] shows that parents have a special role to play in nurturing healthy adolescents. Fathers are seen as the head of the family in African households, and they lay the foundation for the upbringing of adolescents, especially the boy child. However, parents need to continue to soothe and stimulate their adolescents, set limits on aggressive/impulsive behaviour, and reinforce self-control. Depending on the specific system, these behavioural patterns can lead to either balance or dysfunction of the system, or both, at various points in time. Family plays an indispensable role in nurturing, developing, providing for, and supporting the adolescent to become an independent and responsible adult [18].

Ecological systems theory views individuals as being linked to different levels of structures, such as the micro, mezzo, and macro levels, meaning that people are not islands, but interconnected. In other words, their behaviour and actions might affect and be affected by other family members, peers, groups, or even the community [40].

Parent-adolescent relationships can be challenging because as the child gets to the adolescence stage parents might feel that they need less parenting. Parents mostly struggle with the emotional instability of their adolescents during this stage because they sometimes overlook their responsibility of nurturing and guiding their adolescent. However, if healthy relationships are maintained, it gets better after the adolescence stage. It is quite normal and common for adolescents to be moody or seem uncommunicative, but they nonetheless still need parents as a source of support and strength. Parents need always know that their adolescents’ value them and need them to be involved in their lives, irrespective of their attitude, behaviour, or body language.

As they grow up and reach the adolescence stage, adolescents want to have more control over their lives and the freedom to make their own decisions. Intrigued by the idea of autonomy, they start to fight for more control and freedom. The challenge of moving into young adulthood is a very sensitive stage, not only are they eager to explore their newly acquired freedom, they are simultaneously afraid of losing the most important thing in their lives—the love and care of their parents [41]. This is the stage where adolescents are taught by their parents how to be men or women in the African culture. Adolescents often feel a great burden in trying to meet their parents’ expectations, and thus find a solution is substance use as a way of proving their adulthood. Being an adjustment for both parties, some parents feel rejected when their adolescents start practicing their independence, while others feel proud to see their adolescent maturing into a young adult. Allowing adolescents to exercise their judgement and be themselves rather than who their parents want them to be, will allow them to grow into independent, confident, secure individuals, without cutting their parents off. Thus, having supportive parents will give them the confidence that no matter what, their parents will always be there for them.

During this transition phase, while adolescents are experiencing challenges in self-discovery, parents are also adjusting to the changes their adolescent is going through, e.g. physical changes, emotional ups and downs, and so on. Parents may express anxiety about seeing their little child growing up and having to deal with the new set of challenges this phase brings. Rebellion is harmful to the parent-adolescent relationship, so if the parent is dealing with a rebellious child, this might lead to the breakdown of the relationship, as parents find such behaviour very discouraging.

Parents should always remember that adolescents continue to look up to them, even though most of the time they do not show it. Parents continue to be the most important influence in the lives of their adolescents. Branje [42] cautions that parents often think they should suppress the negative emotions of their adolescent children and encourage their positive emotions, or they should avoid expressing their own negative emotions during conflicts. Instead, adaptive interactions during adolescence seem to be characterised by a range of emotions. Thus, Branje [42] advises that parents should learn to guide adolescents to express, share, and regulate a range of positive and negative emotions.

Peer pressure is the manifestation of social influences that affect individuals in a positive or negative way, and it is mostly peers who influence each other to engage in activities so that they can be accepted in their social groups. According to Bezuidenhout and Joubert [36], adolescents have a powerful need to spend more time with their peers and less time with their families. Among adolescents, there is a craving to fit in with their peers, and as a result, they can end up engaging in dangerous activities, especially if left unsupervised or to their own devices, as explained previously. Adolescents who feel they are of no value to their parents are vulnerable to the influence of deviant peer groups, and consequently, substance misuse. Cottrell and Monk [38] highlight the link between substance misuse and negative peer influence, stating that peer groups can easily sway or influence each other to rebel against their parents. Recommendations by Dreyer [17] include that parents need to be more involved in their adolescents’ lives, and that they should be aware of who their children’s friends are, the kinds of activities they are involved in, and their social positions and relations. This awareness will steer parents in advising and guiding their adolescents about the dangers of substance use disorder and how to cope with peer pressure, thereby diverting adolescents from engaging in risky and deviant behaviours.

Substance use impacts all life domains and parents of adolescents who are misusing substances are affected spiritually, physically, psychologically, and emotionally. Often experiencing high levels of stress and anxiety [20], the severe strain placed on parents gives rise to a wide range of negative feelings such as depression, guilt, tearfulness, and confusion. This shows that the impact on parents’ mental health is enormous.

As noted earlier, substance misuse does not only affect the individual with substance use, but also his/her family, and every facet of society. Howard, Hesston, Key and McCrery [23] draw attention to the impact substance misuse has on family relationships, often causing enormously strained family interactions, bitterness, and resentment. The effects of substance misuse frequently extend beyond the individual with substance use disorder, placing a heavy burden on the physical and mental health of both the individual and his/her family. The problem with substance and alcohol misuse is that it drains the physical, intellectual, and economic resources of each individual as well as his/her family [43]. A further noteworthy point is that substance misuse has physical implications for the developing child or adolescent and may produce symptoms that mimic other psychopathological behaviours [44]. The repercussions of these implications on the child’s development might lead parents to worry about the well-being of their adolescents.

What is the relationship with parents during adolescence?

Why are peer relationships important during adolescence?

What are the important relationships in adolescence?