Today’s in-demand skills are increasingly technical in nature. However, there’s a corresponding need for the uniquely human ability to work with and through others to accomplish important goals. Show
Enter emotional intelligence (EI), a set of skills that help us recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions as well as recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others. We recently spoke with Margaret Andrews, instructor of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership, about how people can build EI for better interpersonal relations. Andrews is the former associate dean at Harvard University’s Division of Continuing Education and executive director at the MIT Sloan School of Management. “Emotional intelligence is critical in building and maintaining relationships and influencing others—key skills that help people throughout their career and wherever they sit in an organizational structure,” says Andrews. Additionally, research suggests that people with a high emotional quotient (EQ) are more innovative and have higher job satisfaction than those with lower EQs. Let’s dive into what exactly EI entails, and how you can improve on this essential component of successful relationships. What Are the Components of Emotional Intelligence?Emotional intelligence is a set of skills and behaviors. While some people will be naturally more adept at certain aspects, EI can be learned, developed, and enhanced. The four main components of EI are self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and social skills: Self-AwarenessSelf-awareness is the ability to identify and understand your own emotions and the impact we have on others. It’s the cornerstone of emotional intelligence and the other components of EI depend on this self-awareness. “It all starts with self-awareness, which is foundation of EI, and it builds from there. If you’re aware of your own emotions and the behaviors they trigger, you can begin to manage these emotions and behaviors,” says Andrews. Our emotions impact our mood, behaviors, performance, and interactions with other people. “We are all having emotions all the time,” says Andrews, “the question is whether you are aware of these emotions and the impact they have on your behavior – and other people.” According to Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist, researcher, and author of Insight, people who are self-aware tend to be more confident and more creative. They also make better decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively. Self-RegulationSelf-awareness opens the door to self-regulation, which is the ability to manage these emotions and behaviors. Once we’re aware of our emotions, we can begin to manage them and keep the disruptive emotions and impulses under control. “People with strong self-regulation can pause and take a deep breath in tense and stressful situations, explains Andrews, “which helps them remain calm and think before they speak or act.” These people tend toward a positive outlook and are adaptable to a variety of situations and circumstances. “On the flip side,” she says, “those that cannot contain their negative emotions and impulses often set off a chain reaction of negative emotions in others.” “There’s an old adage that people join organizations and leave managers,” says Andrews, “and it’s true. So, companies – or managers – that have high turnover rates should take a look in the mirror.” Social AwarenessSocial awareness is our ability to understand the emotions of others and a key component of this is empathy. Jamil Zaki, a Stanford professor and author of The War for Kindness, describes empathy as having three components – identifying what others feel, sharing this emotion, and wishing to improve their experience. “It’s not about how you would feel in their situation, but rather, how they actually feel,” says Andrews. People with strong social awareness tend toward kindness. However, this doesn’t mean they cannot give others difficult feedback – in fact, they may be better at delivering this ‘tough love’ because they understand the other person and want to help them improve. Social Skills“Social skills are what separate a great manager from a good one,” says Andrews. These skills, which include influence, conflict management, teamwork, and the ability to inspire others, make it possible to build and maintain healthy relationships in all parts of your life. People with strong social skills can make an enormous difference on a team and in organizations because they understand others and act on this knowledge to move people toward a common goal. To improve your emotional intelligence, you need to start at the beginning, with self-awareness. However, gauging your self-awareness is innately difficult because, as Andrews puts it, “you don’t know what you don’t know.”
Research Reveals Barriers to Self-AwarenessWithout an objective sense of who you are and what drives you, it’s nearly impossible to be emotionally intelligent. Andrews cites a study by Tasha Eurich which found that 95 percent of participants gave themselves high marks in self-awareness. However, using more empirical measures of self-awareness, the study found that only 10-15 percent of the cohort was truly self-aware. That’s a pretty big gap, and one that suggests most of us aren’t very self-aware. What’s worse, research also shows that managers and CEOs may be the least self-aware of all. This is not despite their authority, but quite possibly because of it. Eurich wrote in the Harvard Business Review that the more power someone obtains, the more likely they are to be overconfident about how well they know themselves. After all, those at the top of the chain have fewer people giving them feedback. Often, when managers do receive feedback from employees, it isn’t as honest as it might be because subordinates are afraid of incurring negative consequences. Managers are insulated from criticism, and as a result, self-awareness sinks. Receiving honest, constructive feedback is key to becoming self-aware. Andrews notes that a 360-degree emotional intelligence assessment can be a very effective way to gain insight into your EI-components and the impact you have on others. “Many people shrug off differences in how they rate themselves versus how others rate them on EI competencies by saying that they’re too hard on themselves or that others don’t really understand their intent,” says Andrews, “but really it shows a lack of self-awareness.” What Are the Signs of Emotional Intelligence?Emotional intelligence is a set of skills and behaviors that can be learned and developed. Here are some telltale signs of people with low EQ and those with high EQ. People with low EQ:
People with high EQ:
Three Steps Toward Improved Emotional IntelligenceDeveloping emotional intelligence is an ongoing process. The journey differs from person to person. Nonetheless, according to Andrews, the following actions may lead you to better self-awareness, empathy, and social skills. 1. Recognize your emotions and name themWhat emotions are you feeling right now? Can you name them? When in a stressful situation, what emotions typically arise? How would you like to respond in these situations? Can you stop to pause and reconsider your response? Taking a moment to name your feelings and temper your reactivity is an integral step toward EI. 2. Ask for feedbackAudit your self-perception by asking managers, colleagues, friends, or family how they would rate your emotional intelligence. For example, ask them about how you respond to difficult situations, how adaptable or empathetic you are, and/or how well you handle conflict. It may not always be what you want to hear, but it will often be what you need to hear. 3. Read literatureStudies show that reading literature with complex characters can improve empathy. Reading stories from other people’s perspectives helps us gain insight into their thoughts, motivations, and actions and may help enhance your social awareness. How to Establish a Culture of Emotional IntelligenceBuilding E.I. in yourself is one thing, but influencing others to adopt a more empathetic mindset can be a challenge. To create a culture of high EQ, managers and supervisors must model emotionally intelligent behavior. “If you want to change how your organization does in EI, you can set norms for how people communicate and how they disagree,” says Andrews. In addition, you need to recognize and celebrate those that exhibit emotional intelligence.; “Start making heroes of people who help other people,” says Andrews. “It’s not just the person who got to the top of the mountain first – it’s all the people who helped them. If you want to encourage good team behavior, recognize it, and call it out for what it is.”
But although emotionality has historically been portrayed as the fiery and foolish nemesis of reason and rationality, emotions are fundamental to our ability to function. They motivate us to act, are essential to social interactions, and form the bedrock of our felt sense of morality. Emotional intelligence can provide a significant advantage for mastering our emotions. In this post, we’ll get up close with emotional intelligence to find out what it is, why it’s valuable, and how you can cultivate more of it. Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free. These science-based exercises will not only enhance your ability to understand and work with your emotions, but also give you the tools to foster the emotional intelligence of your clients, students, or employees. What Is Emotional Intelligence? 3 ExamplesMany people have an intuitive grasp of what emotional intelligence is, but for academics, emotional intelligence (EQ or EI) has been a notoriously tricky construct to agree on. Peter Salovey and John Mayer (1990, p. 185) were the first to develop a psychological theory of emotional intelligence and introduced EQ as a:
From this perspective, emotional intelligence could be useful in almost all areas of life. Let’s look at some examples of emotional intelligence in action. Self-awareness and leadershipOur awareness of emotions is centrally important to our relationships (Schutte et al., 2001) and ability to lead others (Rosete & Ciarrochi, 2005). New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has been praised globally for her ability to listen, show empathy, and connect with people in a crisis. CEO Today Magazine says we can learn a lot from Ardern’s ability to manage her own emotions effectively, as “self-awareness is the foundation on which all else is built” and “allows us to engage others on their terms” (Lothian, 2020). Decision makingPsychologist and EQ expert Daniel Goleman (2019) recommends listening to your gut, as bodily intuitions reveal “decision rules that the mind gathers unconsciously.” In this way, emotional signals from our bodies provide a sort of intangible wisdom guiding us toward the “right” decisions. To support this, Seo and Barrett (2007) found that stock investors who were experiencing more intense emotions and better at discriminating between emotions showed better decision-making performance. The researchers suggested that a greater awareness of emotions boosted the investors’ ability to manage emotional biases, which ultimately led to better decisions. Stress management and mental wellbeingHaving an awareness of and ability to manage emotions can make us feel more equipped to deal with difficult feelings and situations (Gohm, Corser, & Dalsky, 2005), and support greater mental wellbeing (Fernandez-Berrocal, Alcaide, Extremera, & Pizarro, 2006). Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, has spoken publicly about his struggles with mental health that ultimately led him to seek therapy. CNN Health highlighted how Prince Harry’s openness to talk about and express his emotions is helping others too, by making mental wellbeing a more acceptable topic to talk about, particularly for men (Duffy, 2021). Emotional intelligence and personalityThere’s been some controversy around using the term emotional ‘intelligence’ in models of EQ that include constructs resembling personality and broader social skills. Where do these attributes end and EQ begin (Neubauer & Freudenthaler, 2005)? While more objective performance measures of EQ (Mayer & Salovey, 1997) have shown to be distinct from the Big Five personality traits of extraversion, openness, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism, some self-report measures of EQ have shown greater crossover with personality measures (Brackett & Mayer, 2003). Ability measures and self-report measures have shown a weak correlation with each other, suggesting that they may capture different aspects of EQ (Brackett & Mayer, 2003). 3 Fascinating Components and Theories of EQThe proposed number of components of EQ differs between theories; however, Mayer and Salovey’s (1997) model conceptualizes EQ as measurable abilities that do not rely on self-perceived ratings of EQ.Mayer and Salovey’s integrative emotional intelligence modelMayer and Salovey’s (1997) integrative model comprises four interconnected emotional abilities:
Bar-On’s model of social and emotional intelligenceBar-On’s (1997, 2006) mixed model claims that EQ is a combination of competencies, skills, and “facilitators” that contribute to how people express themselves, respond to challenges in their environment, and connect with others. Bar-On (2006) suggests that 10 distinct components provide the scaffolding of emotionally and socially intelligent behaviors:
Self-actualization, independence, social responsibility, optimism, and happiness were originally considered to be components of EQ but were later reframed as “facilitators” of EQ (Bar-On, 2006). Daniel Goleman’s theory of EQDaniel Goleman (1995) popularized the concept of emotional intelligence in his widely acclaimed book Emotional Intelligence. Check out his TED talk on the art of managing emotions. Goleman (1995, p. xii) offers a broad conceptualization of EQ abilities, including “self-control, zeal and persistence, and the ability to motivate oneself.” Goleman (2001) proposed that EQ provides a sign of an individual’s “potential” for developing emotional competencies (i.e., practical skills) that can help them thrive at work. His original theory mapped emotional intelligence into five key domains:
Why Is Emotional Intelligence Important?Emotional intelligence is widely celebrated as a valuable commodity because it can predict life outcomes we care about, such as academic performance (MacCann et al., 2020), psychological adjustment (Fernandez-Berrocal et al., 2006), and workplace success (Lopes, Grewal, Kadis, Gall, & Salovey, 2006b). Is EQ important in the workplace?Lopes, Côté, and Salovey (2006a) suggest that a greater ability to manage emotions can benefit work performance in many ways. Using emotional intelligence in the workplace can improve decision making, help social interactions run smoothly, and enhance employees’ ability to deal with stressful times. EQ has been linked to better task performance, organizational citizenship behaviors of employees (Côté & Miners, 2006), higher company rank, and higher scores of stress tolerance and interpersonal facilitation (e.g., positive interaction) as rated by peers and/or supervisors (Lopes et al., 2006b). A meta-analysis involving 43 EQ studies concluded that ability measures, mixed models, and self-report and peer measures of EQ were all equally good at predicting job performance (O’Boyle, Humphrey, Pollack, Hawver, & Story 2011). The importance of EI in leadershipBeing a leader is a tough job that is likely to be harder if you have trouble managing your own emotions or the emotions of those you lead. EQ has been found to predict leadership effectiveness even when accounting for IQ and personality (Rosete & Ciarrochi, 2005). In addition, Gardner and Stough (2002) found that emotional intelligence, particularly understanding and managing emotions, was strongly related to (positive) transformational leadership behaviors of senior managers. Can EI be taught and learned?Considering the many advantages EQ can bring, it’s not surprising that the popularity of EQ training has boomed over the last decade. Remarkably, one study found that only 10 hours of group EQ training (lectures, role-play, group discussions, partner work, readings, and journaling) significantly improved people’s ability to identify and manage their emotions, and these benefits were sustained six months later (Nelis, Quoidbach, Mikolajczak, & Hansenne, 2009). It’s clear that putting EQ skills into practice plays an important role in developing emotional intelligence. So, if you’re looking to teach EQ skills, Cherniss, Goleman, Emmerling, Cowan, and Adler (1988) suggest distinguishing between:
Training and Fostering EI SkillsIn an interview with the Harvard Division of Continuing Education (2019), Margaret Andrews, an instructor in emotional intelligence in leadership, outlined three steps to put you on the path to greater EQ:
MindTools (n.d.) has also helpfully laid out six ways you can enhance emotional intelligence with a little self-reflection and honesty:
World-renowned personal coach, entrepreneur, and business strategist Tony Robbins (n.d.) has outlined his six tips for growing emotional intelligence:
Want more tips on how to foster EQ? Ramona Hacker gives a rundown of her six steps to improve emotional intelligence in this TED talk, which she developed through her personal EQ journey. If you’re serious about EQ training to help clients or organizations, check out our in-depth article on How to Improve Emotional Intelligence Through Training. How to Measure EQ: 3 Reliable TestsBelow we’ve listed three of the most well-known and reliable EQ tests available. Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT) 2.0The MSCEIT 2.0 (Mayer, Salovey, & Caruso, 2002; Mayer, Caruso, Salovey, & Sitarenios, 2003) is a 141-item test capturing abilities across their four core domains of EI:
You can order copies of the MSCEIT from the publisher, Multi-Health Systems Inc. The Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i)The EQ-i is a 133-item self-report scale developed alongside Bar-On’s (1997) model of emotional and social intelligence. People rate the extent to which a short description is very seldom true of them (1) or very often true of them (5), and higher scores are associated with more effective emotional and social functioning (Bar-On, 1997). Sub-scales of the EQ-i are grouped within these five scales:
A total EQ score can be calculated as well as composite scores for each of the five scales. The EQ-i 2.0 is a more recently released version of the EQ-i you can purchase. Self-Report Emotional Intelligence Test (SREIT)This 33-item scale developed by Schutte et al. (1998) was based on Salovey and Mayer’s (1990) EQ model, with the aim of creating an empirically sound self-report measure of people’s current level of emotional intelligence. The scale captures self-reported EQ across three categories:
The SREIT asks people to rate how much they agree that items are characteristic of them, such as “Other people find it easy to confide in me” or “I like to share my emotions with others.” The good news is, the authors of the SREIT have made their scale freely available for clinical and research purposes, and it can be found in their original paper (Schutte et al., 1998). If you’d like to explore a larger range of assessments and tests, we listed 17 different types of emotional intelligence tests here. Want to learn even more about EQ assessment? Then read our article on Assessing Emotional Intelligence Scales. 3 Best Books on the TopicIf you’d like to lose yourself in a library of EQ literature, we’ve provided a comprehensive review of the top 26 Emotional Intelligence Books.To enhance your EQ prowess even further, here are three more great reads, which could help you understand and harness your emotions for the betterment of yourself and others: Resources From PositivePsychology.comIf you want to apply what you know about emotional intelligence, we’ve got you covered. In our Positive Psychology Toolkit© we have over 400 tools. Many of these are useful for the development of EQ, for example:
A Take-Home MessagePlato was definitely onto something when he said “Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge” (BrainyQuote, n.d.). Emotions can be a valuable source of knowledge. As we’ve seen in this post, emotional intelligence could facilitate positive decisions and behaviors that help us realize success in our relationships, mental wellbeing, and work aspirations. If you want to develop your EQ, there’s an abundance of simple ways you can begin building your emotional awareness today. If you’re supporting others to cultivate their EQ, both cognitive and emotional forms of learning are likely to be important (Cherniss et al., 1988). In addition to knowing what emotional intelligence is and how to get more of it “in theory,” EQ needs to be put into practice to grow. We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free.
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