Why cant i get laid

This will sound familiar to all disappointed Casanovas out there: You’re sure you’ve successfully charmed the pants off the girl when she agrees to come to your place for “one last drink.” But just when you think things are going to get hot and heavy, suddenly she’s mumbling about an early meeting, giving you a platonic kiss on the cheek and bolting before you get anywhere near her pants, leaving you wondering where it all went wrong.

Sex

The truth hurts and so does leaving your partner hanging.

So why couldn’t you get her into bed? Whether it’s being overall clueless or making one dumb comment, it’s surprisingly easy not to realize you’ve made a misstep. “Let’s face it: In a society with a plethora of online dating sites, speed dating opportunities, and new dating technologies emerging nearly every month, women are more focused on ruling men ‘out’ than ruling them ‘in,’” says expert Marni Battista, founder and CEO of Dating with Dignity.

To investigate the missteps you might be making without even knowing it (and to prevent you from doing them again), 10 women told us of times they were this close to sealing the deal with a guy…and how he blew it. Don’t repeat their mistakes, gentlemen.

“A guy I was casually hooking up with was texting me all sorts of dirty stuff one night about how he wanted me, and when he finally showed up at my door, he was mildly drunk and eating a giant sandwich. (His mid-bite apology: ‘Yeah, just gotta finish this, sorry. So hungry.’) Nothing’s less sexy than sandwich breath, not to mention the fact that pausing for a meal kind of kills the mood he had established with all that texting? Ew. I can still smell salami when I think about it.” —Kristine, 30

“I was involved with a guy long distance. It wasn’t exclusive, but the last time we were together, we were both supposedly single. So after a few drinks at a bar, we headed back to his place. In the cab, we couldn’t even breathe we were so into it! We fumbled up to his apartment, but just as things were steaming up, I glanced at where our clothes were falling on the floor. That’s when I saw them. Not one, but two used condoms on the floor beside his trashcan. It made not only that night, but our entire thing, feel gross. I never hooked up with him again.” —Melissa, 30

“I had met up with a work colleague for drinks a few times, and after the third rendezvous, he invited me back to his apartment. He led me straight to his bedroom, where I caught a glimpse of Spiderman out of the corner of my eye. On his dresser, lined up with a precision reserved for front-line militia, was his collection of action figures—everything from Homer Simpson to Wolverine. I suppressed laughter, snapped a picture of the menagerie and mass texted it to my girlfriends. Their responses came back prompting me to run like hell. Needless to say, I never went back to the Bat Cave again.” —Christy, 28

“This cute guy wined and dined me on a few dates before the fateful night I decided to go back to his place. We went to his bedroom and when we started getting intimate, his dog jumped on the bed—and, um, got involved! The dog licked my leg, which totally freaked me out. I stopped what I was doing (his loss!) and asked him to get rid of his furry friend. But he just put it on the floor, so within minutes, the dog was back on the bed again. Next thing I knew, he was actually petting the dog while I was, how shall we say, petting him! I got the hell out of there and never answered his calls again.” —Meredith, 29

“After a few dates, I decided to go spend the night at this guy’s house. When we got there, there was lawn furniture in the living room and trash everywhere. It was late night and I couldn’t find a cab, so I huddled in a corner of the bed by myself, fully clothed and not wanting to touch anything. He gave me a decorative pillow, something a doll could maybe sleep with, for my head. I jumped up in the morning to leave and my phone had fallen between the bed and the wall. I looked down to retrieve it and there was dried up puke crusted on the floor. Defriended on Facebook. Lose my number. Never speak to me again.” —Carrie, 28

“I went out with this guy who was otherwise perfect: tall, cute, funny. But he was the worst kisser! It was literally gag-inducing. I didn’t know how to tell him, and the guy could not take a hint. If I would push him away to get him to ease up, he would for a minute, then dive right back down my throat. I liked him so much I tried, I really did. I even got a little drunk on our fourth date and brought him home, but his kissing was such a turn off I just couldn’t get sufficiently in the mood. We went to sleep instead, and never went out again.” —Beth, 30

“I had gone out with this guy a few times and was feeling kind of into him. Then, on a date, he mentioned a movie he’d seen recently where actress Carrie Mulligan had a nude scene. He declared that he was ‘disappointed’ in her ‘weird body.’ I immediately knew I could never take my clothes off in front of this dude. If he’s that judgmental of a gorgeous Hollywood actress, what is he going to think of my real girl flaws? Or worse, what is he going to say about my body to his friends? Ugh. Next!” —Marie, 30

“I was out with a guy who I thought was really interesting. We were talking about hockey and when he mentioned the other team, he flipped them off. Both hands, birds flying. It was sort of strange but I didn’t think much of it at first. But then he kept doing it and I realized it was a weird bad habit that he flipped off…everything. Instead of talking with his hands, he just flipped everything off. He was nice but it felt like he must have a lot of pent up rage or something—so instead of going home with him, I got out of there.” —Natalie, 25

“I met this guy through a mutual friend, and we went out on a few dates. Things were going really well until one night when I got home late from a rough day at work, and all I wanted to do was head to bed. I called him just to say hi and he responds…‘I’m sorry you had a rough day, babe. I wish I could be there to tuck you in and sing you a lullaby.’ Really? Are you my dad or a guy I’m interested in pursuing?! I immediately hung up the phone and went for a nine mile run to get this conversation out of my head.” —Erin, 25

“I was set up on a date with this guy, so I tried to make the most of it and give him a chance. After he had gone on and on pretty much the entire time about how much money he made, I was feeling less generous. Then, he actually demanded I feel the weight of his watch in my hands so I could see how light—i.e., expensive—it was. Classy! And the last straw was that after all of that, when the check came, he insisted we split it. Under ordinary circumstances, that wouldn’t be such a big deal but after he’d spent the past hour bragging about how rich he was, it was so tasteless.” —Carrie, 29

It's really depressing to see young men say they can't get laid at all. This wasn't a major problem to the older generation who didn't have Tinder or Instagram but still got laid consistently. To top it off, even average-looking guys with average salaries and average conversational skills can still get laid.

So no, it's not that you're repelling women or you're in the wrong part of town. You just need a leg up compared to the other guys out there. After all, there are plenty of women out there who just want some action, much like you.

In this article, we will discuss the main reasons why you can't get laid and lay down some of the actions you can take to fix the problem.

Why Can’t I Get Laid?

There are a few reasons why you can't get laid. Some can be solved pretty quickly while others may require you some time.

The good news? It doesn't take much to get laid. A few months of working on yourself (or even weeks) will set you up for a much better dating life. You just need to be willing to do the hard work.

Without further ado, here are the main reasons you can't get laid

1. Your social circle is very small

And with no women in it.

You can't sell if you got no leads, and the same goes with getting laid. Twenty percent of American heterosexual couples have met through friends, according to a recent survey.

The right group of friends will introduce you to women and even vouch for you. It's even better if you can get at least one good female friend. She can be your wingman if not sleep with you herself.

What if you can't make new friends?

Well, you can't say "can't". It may take 20 years to make a good friend but it doesn't take 20 months to make a strong social group. It all comes down to two words:

FAMILIARITY + CONSISTENCY.

Six months in the same gym and you'll make friends with everybody, including the hot female regulars.

I moved to Barcelona two years ago and I knew nobody. How did I make friends?

• I hit the same gym and made friends with the coaches, receptionists, and other members. You can always say hi to the guard or ask the guy next to you for a tip.
• Signed up for a "mixed" boxing class: Imagine the same ten people training together twice a week for four months.
• Worked from the same cafe four days a week. Everyone knew me, my order was ready the moment I stepped into the place, and the barista introduced me to one of her hot single friends
• Stayed in the same Airbnb for a year and made friends with everybody. One day, I did my flatmate a big favor so he reciprocated by setting me up with his friend (then three more later).
• Looked for the apartment with the most roommates and moved to it. Imagine the same mixed group partying together for almost a year.
• Looked up MeetUp for the busiest social events and attend the same ones every week. Weeks later, we were spending the day in Costa Brava.

2. You don't look the part

The fastest way a handsome guy with a shitty personality can get laid is to post his photos on Tinder, Hinge, or some hookup app.

So, yes, looks matter. It will give you an edge because make no mistake, no one wants to sleep with an ugly person.

But my friend is bald and he gets laid all the time?

Your friend gets laid because he has status, wittiness or money (or all of them). But what if you don't have them?

Or, to ask a better question, why not have them all: looks, money, status, and an attractive personality?

Exercise, eat good food, upgrade your wardrobe with better - and fitter - clothes, take care of your teeth and stop picking your nose and burping in public. Take regular showers, get a flattering haircut and quit slouching. Do all of that and you're instantly more attractive!

3. You can't get laid because you're fishing in the wrong lake

Put Cassanova in a town of 2,000 and he'd be Canova without any "ass".

In other words, he won't get laid.

And yes, I know it's spelled Casanova.

I used to live in a small coastal town in Africa. Absolutely gorgeous, but no dates and Tinder didn't work.

So before you ask, "why can't I get laid?", ask "am I fishing in the wrong pool?"

Then plan to move out to a bigger city.

4. You have bad logistics

Do you live with your parents or in a place far away from downtown with no car?

These are very bad logistics that will hurt your chances of getting laid.

Imagine having a steamy date that can end with you two getting into bed, but you can't find a place, or live too far and don't have a car. Do you think she will stick around?

Most probably, no.

5. You're insecure down there

Porn made most guys look at their unit and say, "WTF". As a result, they show it less often, and with a lot of anxiety.

One of the reasons you can't get laid is because you think you're not big enough and women will laugh at you. So you won't bother at all.

Scientifically, anything above the 5-inch mark is good enough to hit all a woman's pleasure spots in there, assuming you know how to use it.

Some people claim that you can grow your penis an inch or something with training. This can be true but we've yet to see legit studies that back it up. So until then, let's stick to what we know best, which is:

Good sexual stamina

Foreplay, and knowing how to last long enough to make a girl cum is all it takes to be good in bed. Also, being good at oral sex and knowing how to finger her gives you lots of extra points with them.

6. You have no social skills with women

If you go on many bad dates that end up with women ghosting you or asking to just be friends, then there's something about your dating technique that needs to be checked.

Maybe you're nervous around hot women, bad at coming up with good conversation topics or don't know how to lead or tease a woman and evoke her emotions.

Look for patterns then try to fix them.

7. Or maybe you can't get laid because you have low self-esteem

If you think you're an ugly dude who isn't worth being with hot women, then it won't happen.

It's that simple.

If all the women you seem to attract are unattractive girls who don't get laid much, then it's because you think you're not good enough to attract better women. People treat us based on how we treat ourselves. So if you think you're trash, women will think it too.

Take some time alone and list all the negative emotions you feel around women. Try to notice the thoughts you have as you go out and interact with them, then journal these thoughts and work on them. If that doesn't seem to work, then talking to a good friend or even a therapist who will help you out might work.

Do this for four months straight and you will get laid.

8. You can't get laid because you don't know how to escalate

A woman will sleep with you on the very first date if can show her that you're good with women.

And I don't mean good as in "buy her flowers and treat her nicely". I mean as in being bold enough to tease her, get physical, communicate your desire unapologetically and have enough guts to invite her over.

Do you think a guy who gets laid consistently waits till the last second - or even the next date - to go in for the kiss?

No. He uses the first chance he has to get intimate. And if you're cool about it, she'll be cool about it too.

I had girls ghost me for NOT inviting them over and not the other way around. She wants to get laid as much as you do. You just have to do it the right way.

9. You can't get laid because you're not on any dating app

In a recent Tinder report, they said that three billion people swiped on each other in ONE SINGLE DAY during the pandemic.

It's almost half the planet.

And you're still not using any of those amazing hookup apps because they ask you for ten bucks every month.

DUUUUUDE.

10. You're on dating apps (but you can't use them well)

A guy will drop six photos of him sitting in some park, call himself "different" in the bio then asks, "why can't I get laid?"

Online dating doesn't suck.

You're just bad at it.

30+ percent of heterosexual US couples met online because it's easy and practical. Yes, texting can be time-consuming but it's more efficient than partying every night.

Take good photos, try to come up with a creative Tinder bio, get better at carrying conversations with women online and you will get laid consistently.

What to Do if You Can’t Get Laid

Now that we listed all the reasons why you can't get laid, it's time to show you the real fixers:

1. Hit the gym and lift weights

Six months of lifting and eating healthy will transform your dating life. It may feel like torture at first, but not getting laid is torture in itself, don't you think?

2. Go out more and use MeetUp

As I said, it's all about consistency and familiarity. Pick a few hobbies/places that you like and drop by consistently. Also, don't overlook small talk. Even a "hi" with a fellow stranger today can lead to a good friendship a year later.

3. Move to a bigger city

Move out of your parents' house and rent in a busy neighborhood. Even better if you can get a car.

4. Learn how to be better in bed

Sounds like the egg-chicken dilemma, but there are many tutorials on the internet that will show you how to please a woman without even using your penis. Watch them so you can rock her world when the chance comes.

5. Build necessity

Get horny. Don't jump to porn every time you feel like ejaculating. Keep that energy inside as much and as often as you can until you get laid. If you're too horny to stay single, you'll work hard to get laid fast.

Use better photos and learn how to trigger girls' emotions with good texts. It may take you some time, but it's totally worth it because even if you don't use any dating app, you'll still need to text girls to set up dates. And you must know how to keep them on their toes waiting for your next text.