My ex kissed me when he was drunk

#pov you see your ex kissing someone else so you decide to party harder until... #foryoupage

261.8K Likes, 499 Comments. TikTok video from Valerie Lepelch (@elongatedmusk): "#pov you see your ex kissing someone else so you decide to party harder until... #foryoupage". “I just saw my ex kissing someone really pretty” | ex: “you wanna slow down?” | “I’m only getting started” | .... deathbychilde.

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If you drink, there is a good chance you’ve shared a drunk kiss with someone at some point. At the moment, it may have felt right, or perhaps you weren’t even really thinking about it.

But, you woke up the next day and you feel differently. Maybe you regret it or maybe you wish it had happened when you weren’t drunk. You don’t know how the other person feels about it or if they even remember.

Can you say nothing and act like it never happened? Or should you address it?

[Read: All the reasons why drunken sex is never a good idea]

Does a drunk kiss mean anything?

When someone gets drunk and does something stupid, their first instinct is to always blame it on the alcohol. It’s kind of like saying “The devil made me do it!”

In other words, people want to use the excuse of being drunk to not take personal responsibility for their actions.

Now, if you drink alcohol of any kind, you know that there are different levels of “drunk.” You can be slightly tipsy or buzzed, or you could be black-out drunk and on the verge of death. And you can be anywhere in between.

If you’re just slightly buzzed, then you have most of your decision-making skills still intact. Sure, you’re not your fully-sober self. But you know what’s going on. However, if you’re vomiting and passing out, then you are not in your right mind at all. [Read: Is drunk sex rape? How to know if it was consensual or not]

This is not to say that a drunk kiss never means anything. All we are saying is that if you kiss someone while you’re a little tipsy and know exactly what you’re doing, it probably means more than if you’re sloppy drunk and don’t even know what’s happening – and don’t remember it the next day.

Neither scenario is an excuse for doing it. Not that it’s a bad thing that you did. It really depends on the situation.

If you’re single, then, by all means, go out and drunk kiss anyone you feel like! But if you’re in a committed relationship and you accidentally drunk kiss someone else, then you might have a bigger problem on your hands. We’ll get into that in the next section.

But as most of you know, alcohol sometimes acts as a “truth serum.” In other words, it allows you to let down your inhibitions and say and do what you really want to do – but you don’t when you are sober. [Read: Drunk texting – How to avoid the awkward drama of drunk texts]

For example, if you have a crush on a co-worker, you might not have the courage to kiss them when you’re not drinking. But as they say, you have the “liquid courage,” and then you might be puckering up your lips quite quickly after having a few.

So, answering the question of whether a drunk kiss means anything is very individualistic and depends on the situation and the people involved. You just have to assess that and answer it for yourself.

Is a drunk kiss cheating? 

Okay, let’s get back to the scenario where you are in a committed relationship but you drunk kiss someone else – or your partner does it. Is this considered cheating? Should you feel guilty if you did that? And you might also wonder if you should forgive your partner if they drunk kissed someone else. [Read: Drunk girlfriend kissed another guy – What you gotta do]

Well, technically, yes, it is cheating. The definition of cheating is doing anything emotionally, physically, or sexually with another person other than your partner. And wouldn’t you say that a drunk kiss falls under this category?

However, it’s not all black and white either. Here are some things to consider if you want to figure out whether a drunk kiss is cheating.

1. Level of commitment to your partner

Whether or not the drunk kiss was cheating has a lot to do with your level of commitment. If you just started dating and aren’t sure if you’re exclusive, then it’s not cheating.

However, if you are committed or even married, then yes, it would be considered cheating.

If the two of you are on a break for some reason, then the rules for that situation must be negotiated between the two of you. [Read: What is commitment in a relationship and how to know if you have it]

2. How drunk were you or your partner was

As we said above, being drunk isn’t an excuse to not take personal responsibility for your behavior. However, you have to admit that the more drunk you get, the less able you are to make good decisions.

So, if you or your partner was black-out drunk and doesn’t remember, that would be a bit more forgivable than if they were only tipsy and knew exactly what they were doing.

3. The length of the kiss

What was the kiss like? If it was just a quick peck on the lips, that’s not as big of a deal as if it was an hours-long makeout session.

If the kiss didn’t involve the tongue, sexual touching, or laying horizontal, maybe it’s not as bad as if it was.

4. The relationship between the two drunk kissers

For some people, if a drunk kiss happened between strangers, then it’s not as serious as if it happened between two people who know each other really well.

If it was a stranger, you will probably never see them again. But if it’s between two people who have lingering feelings for each other – or a huge crush – then that’s a different story. [Read: How to know if a kiss meant something real – 16 ways it isn’t a fling]

5. Who made the first move?

Whether the person was on the giving or receiving end of the kiss might make a difference as to whether or not it was cheating.

If you or your partner were the ones who initiated the kiss, that’s a little worse than if it were the other person. At least it wasn’t your idea.

6. Has it happened before?

If this is a one-time happening, then that is better than if it’s an ongoing problem. If the latter is true, then you have a problem on your hands in the form of serial cheating that can lead to more than just kissing.

7. Level of trust between the two of you

How strong the committed relationship also is a determining factor. If you have been together for a long time and have strong trust between the two of you, then maybe it can be forgiven relatively easily.

But if there is a past of betrayal and not being loyal, then that is not good. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and learn to be loyal and loving]

Do you fully remember your drunk kiss?

This is something you really should answer before dealing with a drunk kiss. You don’t want to talk to the person about it if you aren’t exactly sure what happened.

When drunk, your memory may be a bit foggy. To you, the kiss could have meant something, but to them, a sloppy mistake. You don’t want to go into a conversation about it before actually knowing what went down.

In this case, ask a friend who was there if they remember what happened. Did they see it? Did you tell them about it that night? Ask them if it seemed enjoyable for both of you or like a drunk mess. This way you have a better idea of where to go from here.

[Read: What to talk about when you’re drunk with your date]

If you were both drunk and it meant nothing, you may be able to go on without addressing it. But, if you cried afterward or feel like you crossed a friendship line, you can now talk about it with a bit more clarity.

Do you regret your drunk kiss?

A lot of people have been there and maybe you have too. Perhaps you danced with someone at a party. At the moment you may have felt a little tipsy but felt fine. You start to make out and you thought nothing of it, until the next day.

Let’s say they lived in your building – and that drunk kiss could make things really awkward.

Does the person think you like them? What if you’re not really interested in them and are nervous about letting them down? So, at first, you might avoid them, but when you are in the elevator with them the following weekend you decide to bring it up.

You could apologize for potentially leading them on and being drunk, and maybe they don’t even remember it. So, it could work out that way – for the best.

But, it still creates awkwardness. But, if you regret a drunk kiss because it was your ex, things could get messy. Or if your drunk kiss was with someone other than your significant other, you’ll have a bit more following up to do.

So, what does that look like?

[Read: How to avoid the drama of drunken texts]

How to deal with your drunk kiss

Depending on who your drunk kiss was with, dealing with it will be quite different. In some cases, you can ignore it and move on, but others require a bit of patience and communication.

What’s your drunk kiss situation?

1. The messy quick kiss

Whether this kiss was with someone you know or not, in most cases it can be forgotten along with the mess you left in that cab.

If there is nothing notable about the kiss other than the vague memory of someone else’s alcohol breath, it is best left in the past.

Now, if the person remembers and wants to talk to you about it, it is best to be respectful. Let them know you were drunk and barely remember it. Hopefully, they will understand and move on too. [Read: Have you accidentally kissed a friend and gotten away with it?]

2. The drunk friend kiss

A drunk friend kiss can be something silly to laugh at next weekend, or it can make what was once a platonic friend pretty complicated. This all depends on if there are feelings between you or if you are just both extra friendly when drunk.

If this has happened before or it was with a friend you know will handle it with a laugh, it shouldn’t be a big deal. But, if your drunk kiss was shared with a friend you might have feelings for or who might have feelings for you, it can be hard to turn back now.

[Read: Want to keep it platonic? How to get over a crush on your friend]

If this is the case for you, face it head-on. If not, you risk your friendship and even weeks of prolonged awkwardness. Instead, talk to your friend about it. Let them know how you feel about them and ask them how they feel about it.

This can be cleared up as just a drunk kiss or could potentially lead to the romance you’ve been hoping for.

3. The regretful crush kiss

This is the drunk kiss that happens when you are feeling lonely and kiss the person you know likes you. This is a selfish moment of weakness kiss that happens because you know you won’t be rejected.

This can turn into something really messy and unfortunate. When you realize that you kissed someone that has an actual interest in you but those feelings aren’t matched, you now must face it.

You don’t want to lead on an innocent person who likes you or give them the wrong idea. Let them know you’re sorry, but that you were having a rough night and that the kiss shouldn’t have happened. Yes, you will let them down, but it is better than getting their hopes up. [Read: Are you a user? 15 uncomfortable facts to help you face the truth]

4. The rebound kiss

Just went through a breakup? Maybe your friends dragged you out to perk you up or you went out to get your mind off of your recent heartbreak? Either way, a rebound drunk kiss is not too shocking.

We often focus our attention on someone new to get over the person from our past, even if it is just for one night.

So, if you shared a drunk kiss with a coworker, friend, or stranger because you were on the rebound, let them know that that was the reason behind it so that no one gets involved. [Read: Rebound relationship – 42 signs and rules to make sure you have a really fun one]

5. The emotional ex kiss

Most people have been here too. Often, you don’t need to be that drunk for this kiss to happen. You could have one drink and give in to the temptation of an ex being there and available. It happens.

And the problem here is that one kiss can lead you right back to your old habits. This could be a one-time drunk kiss with an ex because you have history and chemistry or can get dragged out into a brief rekindling. 

If you share a drunk kiss with an ex, it is best to let them know it was just the alcohol pushing you towards what was familiar and didn’t mean anything more. There is a reason you broke up. [Read: You kissed your ex? The complete damage control guide]

6. The one night stand kiss

The drunk kiss that led to the shortest relationship of your life is something unique for sure. This is the drunk kiss that comes with someone you cling to all night. You might dance or talk about your deepest darkest feelings and of course, you kiss.

But, at the end of the night, you went your separate ways without exchanging numbers or maybe even names.

This can be something you can look back on and smile. But, you could also feel like you missed out on something great. In this case, remind yourself that you were drunk.

A drunk kiss can make you see things differently than they were. Alcohol is like wearing rose-colored glasses. Not only could they have seemed more attractive than they were but it was one night, and it is unlikely they were your soulmate.

7. The bold kiss

So you had a few drinks in you and finally went for it with the person you’ve been crushing on? Good for you, but also yikes. You may have revealed more than you wanted to or got your hopes up.

I know it will be wildly uncomfortable but talking to your crush about it is the only way to clear the air. Let them know you have been wanting to kiss them, but the liquid courage is what led you to it that night. See what they say. Good luck. [Read: Here’s how to tell your crush you like them]

8. The cheating kiss

And then there is the cheating kiss. This one is completely unfortunate and hard to handle. Whether you used the drinking as an excuse to kiss someone or really didn’t have control over your faculties, you should tell your significant other.

Chances are they will find out from someone else, and it is always best to hear it from you. If your partner kissed someone else when they were drunk most people would be pissed. But, if they came clean right away, there would be a much higher chance for forgiveness than if they hid it and you found out another way.

[Read: How to express your feelings and get your point across the right way]

A drunk kiss is what it is, but the fallout from it is never simple. The good news is that you can remedy anything with top-notch communication.

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