How to tell the difference between typical family drama and truly toxic behaviour… Show Have you ever found yourself gazing longingly at the perfect family, and wondering why things didn’t work out that way for you? The reality is that despite appearances, there really is no such thing as the perfect family. After all, we don’t choose our family, and all of us are likely to experience difficulties at some time or another. In fact, these disagreements and differences in character can actually spur us on to grow – become more accepting,
empathetic and considerate. Having a toxic family is something very different, and should not be taken lightly. Why’s that? Because how we grow up shapes who we become. Being exposed to toxic relationships and unhealthy dynamics when we’re young can distort our development and view of the world, and lead to a whole host of difficulties. The problem is that toxic behaviour is not necessarily identifiable to us when we’re children. Our first relationships set the tone for our expectations in life, and when we’re small we simply don’t know any different. We come to see unhealthy behaviour as normal. In the same way, sometimes toxic family relationships are very obvious (physical assault, sexual abuse and name-calling etc.), other times it can be much more subtle (guilt-tripping, neediness and over-reliance) and harder to spot. Growing up in a toxic environment can leave deep scars that we end up carrying with us through life – in our relationships, at work, and all the way through until we become parents ourselves. But these scars can be healed, and the negative patterns they create broken. The first step is to identify what happened, and recognise the behaviour as wrong. If that dynamic still exists, we need to create boundaries that stop it from happening again. And finally, we need to heal the wounds they caused. Signs of a toxic family
Toxic family dynamics: steps to take to protect yourself
One of the most difficult things about growing up in a toxic family is that it can evoke very confusing feelings. We might love our family, but also recognise their behaviour as destructive. Similarly, toxic behaviour doesn’t always come from a bad place. It usually has a domino effect, and stems from the kinds of experiences your parents had growing up. The most important thing is whether someone is willing to assume responsibility for their mistakes, and open themselves to creating a healthier dynamic with you going forward. Working with a therapist can help you navigate these conflicting feelings so that you find a way forward that works for you. Start your therapy journey todayGet matched to a psychologist, and have your first therapy session the same day. Get Started Further ReadingWhy do I not want to be around my family?Causes. The factors that lead a person to hate their family or members of their family can vary. Toxic behaviors, abuse, neglect, or conflict are just a few factors that can lead to feelings of animosity. Finding ways to better understand the causes for such feelings can help you better cope with the situation.
Why do I feel no connection to my family?Reasons for the detachment may be due to intergenerational and personal trauma, an absence of emotional intelligence, mental health issues, substance use and abuse issues, fragmented problem solving and conflict resolution skills, and a variety of other challenges.
Why do I feel distant from family?Sometimes, emotional detachment may result from traumatic events, such as childhood abuse or neglect. Children who live through abuse or neglect may develop emotional detachment as a means of survival. Children require a lot of emotional connection from their parents or caregivers.
Can family be the cause of depression?That is, the study found empirical evidence that any ongoing tension with mothers and siblings—similar to that which people may have with their spouses—is associated with symptoms of depression. It found that all three relationships have a similar effect; one is not stronger than another.
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